A Mother's Guide to Potty-Training Boys

As a new mother myself, potty training proved to be a long and tedious process. By my son's third birthday, I had already tried, and failed, on three separate occasions to get him to use the potty. Shortly after he turned three, we tried again-- and managed to do everything right! Potty training was a breeze- because I had discovered how to make it fun, easy, and worthwhile for my son.

Let me start by telling you, the only supplies you'll need while potty training are: plenty of underwear, and a simple, inexpensive potty seat that attaches to your toilet. There's absolutely no sense in buying an overpriced musical potty throne and boxes of costly pull-up diapers. In fact, from my experience, these items only make potty training take longer-- making life more difficult for both you and your toddler.

The very first step, the most important step, the absolute key to potty training success, is... Wait until your child is ready. Got it? I can't stress this issue enough. If your child isn't ready, or just plain isn't interested, potty training is a nightmare. Forcing a kid to sit on the potty against their will doesn't accomplish anything. You'll feel like a drill sergeant and your kid will feel like he's at boot camp. It will only frustrate both of you. Worst case scenario; your child will become stressed and afraid to use to potty-- making potty training near impossible. If you're one of those parents (like I was for a long time,) who feels some inexplicable driving need to have your kid potty trained before all his friends, give it a rest already. Put the potty seat away. Your child will tell you when he's ready to go potty; I pinky promise you.

That's not to say you can't encourage his interest in the potty! The best methods of encouragement are simpler than you think. If your son hangs around any slightly older, accomplished potty-users, have him watch while they go potty. Children love to feel important; your son's siblings, cousins, and friends will relish the opportunity to show off their masterful potty skills. And don't be shy, yourself. Bring your son to the restroom when you go and tell him what's happening. If there's anyone he admires and strives to imitate, it's you.

I'm blessed with a child who loves reading. He absolutely lives for his bedtime story-books. Taking advantage of this, I dropped by my local Barnes and Nobel and checked out the kids' section. There are hundreds of books geared toward making potty-time fun! My son, for example, loves trains. The book I recommend most for any mother to a future train-conductor is none other than The Potty Train by David Hochman and Ruth Kennison. Within days of reading him this book, my son couldn't wait to climb aboard the "Potty Train!" Another fun read I've discovered is A Potty for Me by Karen Katz. This darling flap-book may be read to boys or girls learning to use the potty.

When your child has demonstrated an interest in going potty, it's time to put him in underwear. Don't bother with pants at first; just let him run around in his undies all day enjoying the freedom from diapers. The key is to let him enjoy this time, don't push him or stress him out. Ask him once every hour if he has to go potty. When he says "No," don't press the issue. If it's been a few hours and he still hasn't peed, set him on the potty and read him a book. Don't force him to remain on the potty if he doesn't want to be there. Sitting on a cold, hard, toilet seat and waiting for who-knows-what for 20 minutes or longer is NO child's idea of a good time.

He will have accidents. This is good! Accidents teach him. Poop and pee in underwear is uncomfortable and messy, two things he doesn't want to be. Soon, he'll recognize the sensation of having to poop or pee before it happens-and he'll run to the toilet to avoid the discomfort of soiling his pants. When he has his first accident, he'll tell you about it. Re-assure him that it's okay and you'll clean it up. Don't get upset. But emphasize that there is "No pee-pee in your underwear! Pee-pee in the potty only!" Then set him on the potty while you clean up the mess. When he poops in his underwear, take him into the bathroom and dump the poop out of the underwear into the toilet. Emphasize again "No poo-poo in your underwear! Poo-poo in the potty only!" Always put him on the potty for a little while after he's had an accident, to give him the idea.

Helpful tips: When he's sitting on the potty, turn it into a game. Tell him to be super-quiet and "Listen to the water." When he hears the tinkle in the water, get excited for him! At first he might feel a little scared, like he's doing something wrong... you'll put his fears to rest if you cheer him on and give him a high-five.

Treats are an effective way to make potty-training enjoyable. Reward your child with a snack when he's successfully gone potty. He'll learn quickly that going potty will win him loads of affection and goodies. He'll want to use the potty every chance he gets!

Be consistent! Resist the urge to put him back in diapers once you've gotten started. This sends mixed signals to your child. Why should he bother using the potty when he's got a diaper on? Remember that diapers are absorbent, so your child won't feel the discomfort while using them. Whatever training you've accomplished will be undone. Once he's in underwear, keep him in underwear.

Avoid pull-ups. They're only slightly less absorbent than diapers and they look and feel just like diapers against the skin. Your child will treat them like diapers. Not to mention, they're expensive and bad for the environment. I can assure you- you'll rarely experience a mess during potty training that a few wet-wipes and a laundry machine won't clean right up.

You'll be surprised to know that diapers aren't necessary at nap-time. Most children wake up before they pee, because they feel they have to pee. If you make sure your child hasn't had much to eat or drink for an hour before nap-time, and get him to use the potty right before nap-time, he should sleep for a few hours without any accidents. Once he wakes from his nap, refreshed and ready to play, ask him if he has to go potty.

Bedtime is different. You may want to leave your child in diapers at night until you feel they're advanced enough with their potty training to move forward. When you begin potty training at night-time, cut off all snacks and beverages after dinner. Make sure he pees before he goes to bed. Read him a book and remind him to come wake you if he has to go potty. Then wake up early- like 7am, early- and check on him. Don't force him out of bed to use the bathroom-you'll just have one tired, angry toddler on your hands. Let him wake up gently and then put him on the potty. Every time he has a successful night without any accidents, give him a treat to celebrate!

Another useful tip: After you run out of diapers once and for all, DO NOT go buy any more. You're done with diapers forever! Don't forget to reward yourself for a job well done!

References:

Hochman, David and Ruth Kennison. The Potty Train. New York, New York: Simon and Schuster Books for Young Readers Publishing Division, 2008.

Katz, Karen. A Potty For Me! New York, New York: Little Simon Publishing Division, 2005.