A Mother's Heart Doesn't Know when to Quit Mothering

I should have been a bad mother! Not really, but sometimes I think it would have made life easier for me now. Our sons are grown and living on their own...one married to a beautiful girl whom I love like a daughter. I would have handpicked her for my son, had I gotten a vote. I actually worked and prayed behind the scenes to get them back together when they took a break from each other after dating for several years. They eventually found their way back and have been married for almost 4 years now. But I digress.

From the time my sons were born, I was there every step of the way. I was blessed to be able to be a stay-at-home mom until they were both in school. Those were not easy days financially, as our family made sacrifices so that I could be there. After our youngest had been in school several years, I got a job in the school system also, which was ideal in that it allowed me to be home when they were, for the most part.

We were not parents who needed time away from our children. Nowadays young parents feel the need to have "date nights". My husband and I did that too...but we made it a foursome...with our sons. We both enjoyed their company, and it never occurred to me to need time away from them. In fact, when I had to be away from them for any length of time, I missed them and couldn't wait to get back to them. Certainly they were allowed to go places with friends or other family members, but it was never because I needed the time to myself.

Of course, I was so thankful that they were normal boys; but along with that came the growing up and growing into doing things all normal kids do as they grow. They became independent.

So what happened to all those motherly feelings with which I had been filled since the conception of the oldest? Guess what? They were and are still there! The need to make sure that my children are taken care of and have everything they need to be healthy and happy is as strong as it ever was.

When our boys moved out, closely together, my husband and I were running a business which allowed us to be at home only long enough to sleep, for six days a week. Therefore, empty nest didn't really kick in until we closed that business and began to spend more time at home.

Our sons were so aware of my hidden heartache that they would move their things out of our house a few pieces at a time, because they didn't want to see me blubber like a baby. We all laughed about it, me through my tears. My husband and sons playfully ribbed me about it. I even admitted to being a crybaby.

For the first two years after our oldest got married, I could not watch him leave the house when they came to visit without tearing up. This, even though I would have single-handedly arranged the marriage if I could have. I still had a whole lifetime of mothering in me, and it felt like I had no one left to spend it on except my husband...and I wasn't about to start that. Uncaring mothers must have life so much easier as their children grow up and depend upon them less and less.

I have thought so many times that it would be so much easier if a "mother's heart" could be put in a nice pretty box and stored on a shelf with the other mementos of childhood. But instead mine is still in there beating strong. I laugh at it and joke with my guys about it. I make a to-do about babying them wherever they are. They both live within eighteen miles of us...and I tell them that is too far. My daughter-in-heart laughingly rags me about spoiling her husband. We are a family blessed with love.

In the years since I took a regular job, we have filled our nest with several types of farm animals. It is not possible to transfer the love I have for my children into anything else...but I can be found on a daily basis hugging a baby goat, or a kitten; or petting a not-so-skittish chicken and talking to it like a child. My husband and sons laugh with me when they catch me doing that....but I figure it's gotta be a "mama thing".