A Mother's Love

Andrew glances at his father in the front seat. His father looks out the misty windshield at the melancholy day and his eyes start to get misty as well. Then he turns on the bright headlights, attempting to cut through the dense, draining fog. Andrew puts his hand mournfully on the empty passenger seat and his head drops. The car stops suddenly.

After sitting for a while in silence Andrew's father gets out of the car first. Then Andrews slowly follows suit. They trudge up to the grave, as if to verify that she is still gone, and ponder, and remember. Andrew stands next to his father, who falls to his knees and lets the tears fall freely now. Andrew opens the ebony black umbrella and holds it over the two of them, protecting them from the rain, but casting them into darkness. Andrew places his hand on his father's shoulder, trying to keep her corpse from standing between them. His father rejects the hand though and pulls away trying to ignore his son's benevolence that makes him so much like his mother.

She died four years earlier. She saw Andrew playing with his father's nail gun and her maternal instinct kicked in and she tried to take it from him. However, while she struggled to take the gun from Andrew, who was very stubborn at times, the gun went off. a nail went through her hand and side and punctured her lung. As she was fading Andrew cried over her. She ran her fingers through his hair and whimpered, "better me than you," just before she died. His father found them later that day and blamed Andrew immediately shooting a searing glare at him. A fire stirred up within his father that bit and burned poor Andrew. It was a raging fire that, with time, would become dormant but the coals were all too easy to stir up.

Andrew looks back at the car with longing eyes, wanting more than anything to be away from here. He remembers when his mom used to say that it rains whenever the angels are crying. He wonders if she's crying because of the devastation that her death has caused to the relationship between him and his father. He takes out a rose that he brought for her, remembering that she always loved roses, and places it on the cold, still earth.

He touches the hard granite that bears her name. Immediately, his father slaps his hand away, the fire starting to burn in him again. Andrew backs away, hoping to avoid any more conflict. He wipes tears away from his bruised, black eye and rubs the bruises on his arms and legs, wanting them to go away before he gets any more.
His father stands and shoves him towards the car. Andrew walks down the hill to the car and gets in the back. His father gets in and starts to drive. The rain pounds on the roof of the car. Andrew huddles next to the door and continues crying. He tries not to make a sound for fear of drawing attention to himself. His father drives for the better part of an hour before the car stops. When his father gets out of the car Andrew does not. He holds on to the door, not wanting to go inside.

His father wrenches open the door and grabs Andrew. He drags Andrew to their apartment, down a flight of steps, and throws him inside. He slams the door and starts to yell as he lumbers towards the fridge. He grabs a case of beer, lies down on the couch, and starts to drink. Andrew watches and listens but doesn't say a word. Finally, his father passes out. So he lies down on his mat behind the couch and cries himself to sleep.

Andrew wakes up to his father yelling at someone who has come to the door and a loud slam. Suddenly his father lifts Andrew of the ground and shakes him.

"Where's all my money kid?" his father fumes. He doesn't say anything, knowing that his father spent it all on alcohol, but also knowing that saying so will do him no good.

"Where's all my money!"

Andrew tries not to breathe, gagging on the stench of his father's breath.

His father throws him to the ground and kicks him. Andrew starts to get up but his father stomps on his back. His father picks him up and slams him against the wall. Andrew struggles a little and his father punches him across the face. He throws Andrew into the opposite wall and grabs Andrew's throat. Andrew struggles for air but his father doesn't let go and he passes out.

Andrew wakes up to his father snoring on the couch. He looks around at his unwelcoming dungeon, still dizzy, and crawls towards the bedroom. He pulls himself to his feet, supporting himself with the dresser. He looks at a picture on the dresser of his mother with her arms stretched out around him and his father. Then he opens the top drawer of the dresser after he gets to his feet. Rummaging through the clothes, he finds what he is looking for at the bottom. He goes into the other room and looks at his father. He pulls the hammer back with a "click" and lifts the gun. He puts it to his own temple and closes his eyes. Then he lowers the gun. He releases the hammer carefully, empties the cartridge, and returns the gun to its place.

He reflects over the miserable moment.

"What a paradox," he thinks to himself, " she died to save me and I want to die because she's dead."