A Mother's New Year's Resolution

The holiday season is almost over, which means another year has come and gone. As the holidays end and New Year's Day approaches, this mother finds herself reflecting on all that has happened to her family this year as she tries to decide on a New Year's resolution. With 2008 upon us, I recall my glorious memories of motherhood from this year, times I wanted to pull my hair out, laughed so hard my face hurt, and worried how we'd ever face tomorrow. Leading your children into the future is just part of parenting. Tomorrow always came, and together we came out stronger with more laughter in our hearts than ever.

My son learned to use a fork and spoon this year. I remember how proud he looked as he shoveled big, heaping spoonfuls of food into his mouth, getting most of it on his shirt. Sometimes, he'd bring a fork to his mouth with nothing on it, because he hadn't managed to poke any peas good enough with it. Eventually all of the pees would be gone, and he'd look up at me with an accomplished expression. I didn't have the heart to point out to him that most of the peas were on the floor. I congratulated on him and surveyed the giant mess I now had to clean.

I conceived a child this year and took Corbin with me to interview a midwife. I'll always remember this day as one of the best of my life. Corbin nursed as I heard my baby's heart beating for the first time. When my toddler heard the gentle thumping, he sat up, gave me the brightest smile I'd ever seen, leaned over to kiss me, then sat up to listen intently. I felt like, at that moment, my sons were bonding for the first time. That was my first real moment together with both my sons; we connected for the very first time that day.

Laughter and joy weren't the only emotions in our lives this year. I planned on my son seeing a dentist at age 2, but at 18 months it was clear he needed dental work already. My heart sank as they gave me the dreadful news: nearly all of my son's top teeth would need crowns. Though they said it was genetic, I still felt like it was my fault. I can't describe what I felt as I watched my terrified son, kicking and screaming, wrapped up in a papoose as they crowned his teeth. It breaks my heart that he had to go through that; I can't imagine how he felt.

He turned two this year--and started the two T's. One day he sat on the porch looking at the world, his hands in his lap. When I checked on him, he immediately stood up and begin screaming, beating the wall, just freaking! He resumed sitting quietly as soon as I closed the door. I guess he wanted to be alone! That was odd enough, but then he decided his favorite noise was "dye" which raised more eyebrows. I mean, who sits on the porch shouting "die" at people? Thankfully he moved onto real words, his first and favorite being cars: cars everywhere, scattered on the couch, lined up in little rows, driving up and down my arms.

Now the year is ending. I wonder what the next will bring. It will be another grand mixture of laughter and tears, messes and precious moments. My son has mastered self-feeding; next comes potty training. I don't even want to think of the messes I will have to clean. My second son was born in September; in 2008, he will learn to crawl, walk, and throw my cell phone in the toilet as my oldest colors on the walls with crayons... Oh, what fun we will have. Some days this year I heard so much screaming that I thought my brain would seep out of my ears. I am sure next year will bring more of those. We know already our toddler will need more dental work. So much awaits us.

Every mother knows the years go by too fast. I don't remember giving my sons permission to grow up, but they are doing it anyway. Tomorrow always comes, whether you want it to or not. Savor each moment of the present, because it will too soon be past. I don't know what exactly the future holds, but we will face it together as we have always done. We will hold each other in times of sorrow, our bellies as we laugh, and each other's hands when times get rough. We will come out stronger with even more laughter in our hearts. That is my New Year's Resolution: to survive, to thrive, and to keep laughter alive. That is my wish for my family--and for yours.