A Newlywed's Guide to Surviving the 1st Year of Marriage

We've done it! My husband and I made it through our first year of marriage and we are both still alive and kicking! (well, sort of!) Gloating, I revealed this to my mother the other morning, at which point burst into hysterical laughter. "Honey, the first year is the easiest", she managed through tears of laughter. Wait just a second. It gets harder?!

I had always heard that this first year was a sort of "honeymoon period". Granted, it is very much like a honeymoon for several months. You can't your hands off each other, you love flaunting your new marital status and for us women, your new moniker. Yep, things are pretty great. But, then it seems as though reality sets in and you start seeing the not-so glamorous side of things.

For instance, my husband snores like a freight train on speed. At first, it was cute. But now, it makes me want to leap from the nearest bridge. Repeatedly. My husband came in the bathroom not long after we had said "I do" and asked me what all the "crap" under the sink was. By "crap", he meant razors, shaving cream, tampons, eyelash curler, mascara, powder, and so on. I just stared at him in awe. Did he really think I just naturally was hair-free and smelled like flowers all the time? It was rather humorous.

I get a big kick out of the misconception that it's all wine and roses for us just hitched folks. When you think about it, it makes sense that it's difficult. For starters, you're having to rearrange your life to fit the needs, wants, and preferences of another, very different human being. Which brings me to what I've learned so far in this strange trip I'm on called marriage.

1. You must have the ability to compromise- Jeez, it doesn't take your 50th wedding anniversary to see how important this is. It's not just compromise on the big stuff either. There's where to eat dinner, which shampoo to buy, where to take the kids on holidays, who walks the dog on weekdays, etc. When you don't compromise, resentment can grow and build and rear its' ugly little head years on down the road. It's not fair to be domineering and ram your preference down your spouse's throat every time there's a disagreement, but then again, don't be a doormat. I've learned that when you pick and choose the battles you really want to win, most of the time, it'll work out the way you want.

2. You must trust! - Don't let anyone fool you on this one. Without trust, there is no marriage. It is hard to build trust and even harder to regain trust. Anyone who has ever betrayed another's trust knows how damaging that can be. When you don't trust your spouse, you'll drive yourself crazy wondering where they are, who they're with, and what they're doing.

3. Respect thy partner. - Think about it....why would you want to be married to someone you didn't respect and certainly not someone who didn't respect you?

4. The ability to say "I'm sorry" is often underrated. - It takes a wise person who knows when it's time to just say they are sorry, and mean it. Don't ever go to bed mad. The only thing that accomplishes is to guarantee you'll wake up mad.

5. Patience is a necessity. Being someone's significant other means loving them for who they are and that includes the things that they do. Whether your spouse has an irritating habit of channel surfing or whether they chew their gum, it will take time to get used to and sometimes you will have to learn how to accept things. Face it, your partner was who they are long before they met you and they've been doing these things for that long. You can't change someone overnight and sometimes it's best not to try to change it at all. Having the patience to deal with these things will save you many ridiculous fights down the road.

6. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate- Keeping open lines of communication between you and your spouse is vital to the success of a marriage. If you can't communicate openly and honestly with each other, you are doomed. It's also important to know that there are other forms of communication other than talking. Sometimes, couples can communicate via a wink, a nudge, or even a glance. Sometimes, you can read volumes by your partner's body language. I've learned that sometimes words aren't even the appropriate response in certain situations. Oftentimes, all my husband needs is a smile of encouragement or an ear to listen. Communicating is about listening and being perceptive to each other's needs.

By no means am I an expert on marriage, but I do believe I've earned the right to count myself an expert on being a newlywed!