A Nostalgic Look at Toys and Games

A man is waiting for a bus and sees a little boy playing with some dog droppings on the sidewalk. A fireman comes walking by and asks the boy "What are you doing?" The kid replies "I'm making a fireman." The fireman walks off, insulted. Along comes a police officer. Appalled to see what the kid is playing with, he also asks "What are you doing?" The boy tells him "I'm making a policeman." The officer walks away in a huff. The man waiting for the bus walks up to the boy and tells him "Young man, I'm a lawyer. If I asked you what you're doing, would you tell me you're making a lawyer?" The kid looks at the man and without batting an eye replies "Oh no---I don't have enough poop for that!"

The point is, throughout history, children have played with whatever they could find to keep themselves busy, and realizing this, a big-time industry has developed around the demand for children's toys and games. In spite of all this history behind it, the toy industry hasn't always been accurate when figuring out what kids will play with. Many parents have purchased high tech, big money items and spent quite a while putting them together, only to find out their child was having more fun playing with the gadget's empty box.

I probably don't have to remind anyone that Christmas is only about nine months away, and at this very moment, parents are losing sleep trying to figure out if junior would rather have another video game or the "Stuck In Iraq Sam" military action figure that comes with its own exploding helicopter. Such decisions give parents white hair. Perhaps a look back at toys would help them decide.

Toys and games not only keep young ones entertained and busy, they can also learn important behavior patterns from them. Educational toys can be fun, and fun toys can be educational. There are places where lines were once drawn to pigeonhole toys as being for girls or boys. This was useful since it let girls play with dolls and make-believe houses in order to develop their domestic skills, and boys had guns and military equipment so they could learn how to kill each other and destroy the world when they grew up.

Things change, though, and boys now have dolls to play with (although in order to salvage the male ego they are called "action figures") while girls have cars for their dolls, even though they are usually pink or yellow.

Some toys transcend time and space. There always have been and probably always will be balls for kids, whether it's a plain rubber ball, beach ball, or soccer ball. There is something really stress-relieving about throwing a ball against a building or kicking it as hard as you can. Playing baseball develops coordination skills. Football is a microcosm of war and teaches us that invading another group's territory and beating them up is a wonderful thing. No wonder the world hates us.

A long time ago, kids had pull toys such as a duck or train on the end of a string. Someone figured out how to make a sound box work with the motion of the wheels on these toys, and a new dimension opened up. The duck would now quack and the train sound as if it was a real one. The sounds got louder or different if you pulled the toy faster, which promoted exercise and more strenuous activity. Kids were healthy and happy, but cheap electronics changed all that. Toy makers started putting small motors in their merchandise, enabling them to move on their own while kids watched. There was still some redeeming value there because if the toy got stuck somewhere, the kid still had to walk over and free it. The die had been cast, however, and the destruction of our youth through laziness was brought to its pinnacle with the advent of the remote controlled electronic toy. Now, our kids could really be like big company executives and sit on their butts all day doing nothing while pushing buttons to make things happen somewhere else. Ah, the joys of capitalism!

There was a time when board games were king. Remember "Chutes and Ladders", "Monopoly" and "The Game of Life"? All was well with the world in those days until a game called "Operation" showed up. This game had a light and wacky sound effects that made messing up a lifesaving endeavor comical, just like in real hospitals. Regular board games were never the same again, and our kids started asking for more electronic stimulation, so we got such things as "Electronic Battleship" and the "Five In One Sensual Massager"----no wait! That's for a different story.

Nowhere has the advance of entertainment technology become as evident as in video games. I remember when an "electronic game" was a pinball machine in the corner of a bar or diner. I was absolutely overwhelmed when I got my first home video game: "Pong". Just think about the challenge of getting a small square representing a ball past a huge line that was supposed to be a paddle! Let me sit down and catch my breath! I had barely recovered from this technological wonder when along came the highly sophisticated "Atari" system that still used those little squares, now stacked on top of each other to make stick figures, and what's more, they were in color to boot. Be still my heart!

Today's kids, raised on such fare as "Halo" and "Mortal Kombat" games, heartily laugh at the crude graphics and tinny sounds of the games from our era. Modern video games do everything except have sex with you, but you just know somebody's working on that somewhere.

You also have to wonder, speaking of "crude", about the mindset of children today. In the recent past, I have seen in stores some rather raunchy toys. Somewhat cute in spite of what it does is the hen that lays candy eggs, but this becomes downright gross when the figure is a sheep or cow, and the candy from the tail end represents something else. You have also no doubt seen those heads that ooze a nebulous substance from their nose when you squeeze them. What purpose does that serve? No doubt the ultimate gross toy on the market is a series of figures that emit sounds of passing wind, and as an added extra bonus, put out the smells of flatulence. Different figures actually have individual scents, so be sure to collect them all!

Now, with all that in mind, what are you getting your kids for Christmas?