A Note to Mothers: Not Every Woman Wants Children

Does it frustrate you when other women try to push their beliefs on you or think they know what you need more than you know yourself? Do you get irritated when other women belittle your decisions or try to tell you how to live your own life? It's a natural human tendency to expect others around us to have the same beliefs as we do. Women especially tend to think of life as a pre-set mold that everyone should fit into. This is especially true if other women around us have beliefs that are in the minority.

This human trait shows up so often in mothers. Women are constantly trying to convince other women to have children. Many of us mothers think all other women should have children just like we do. If we run across a woman who doesn't want children we are so shocked that she is against the norm that we often make it our mission to convince this childless woman that she too must have a child of her own. Why? Just because most women want children doesn't mean all women should have them. Believe it or not, there are actually some women out there who do not want to become mothers. Does that mean there is something wrong with them? Must they be cured of this "disease"? Of course not! Just because we don't understand them or feel the same way doesn't mean they are wrong.

I think one of the main reasons we mothers feel we have to convince other women to have children is because so few women in the world want to remain childless. It's easy for us to understand why all women wouldn't want to have the same job as us or live in the same town as us. So many women in the world have different careers and live in different places that we accept it because it's "normal." However, when it comes to something that most women want and we run across the few who don't want it, it blows our minds. We immediately think there is something wrong with this woman and we must do what we can to cure them. Although the majority of the women in the world do want children, parenting isn't for everyone.

Have we ever stopped to think how it must make our childless friends feel when we spend all of our energy trying to convince them they are wrong for feeling the way they do? That could be so damaging to them! These women probably already feel frustrated that they are in the minority. When we accuse them of being selfish, abnormal, or crazy, that just makes it worse. Try to imagine how you would feel if the majority of the world did not have children, and every woman you ran into told you that you were crazy for having them. It would stir up feelings of anger, frustration, and resentment toward these women. Not to mention the feelings of isolation you would get from being in the minority.

So, why is it so important to us mothers that our childless friends feel the same way we do? What difference does it make if other women don't want children? I think some of us mothers feel threatened being around women without children. We think that if they don't want children of their own then they must hate our children. It's a direct attack on us if another woman dislikes our children. However, we shouldn't jump to these conclusions. Just because a woman doesn't want her own children, doesn't necessarily mean she hates children. True, these women probably won't tolerate children as well as women who have them since they aren't use to them; but that doesn't mean they dislike them. Lets not be so hasty in our judgments.

While we mothers will probably never completely understand why some women don't want children, we should learn to embrace our differences and accept our childless friends the way they are. We need to understand that not every woman thinks and believes the same way we do. Lets have some compassion and stop ostracizing those who don't want children. Instead, let them know it's okay to feel the way they do. Not every woman needs to be a mother. Our friends without children have just as much value as us mothers do. So let's treat them with the respect that they deserve.