A Open Letter to Joal Henke, Ex-Husband of Tonya Craft, Regarding the Custody of Their Children

Tonya Craft lost her job, custody of her children, her reputation as a Kindergarten teacher and nearly $500,000 in legal fees. The last two years of her life have been a horrific nightmare that no innocent person should endure. Fortunately, on Tuesday, May 11th, she was found not guilty of 22 counts of molestation charges.

As a former social worker, a tax paying citizen and a concerned mom, I am glad to see that justice was served. I've known all along that Tonya Craft was innocent. I believe the children are the real victims here, as I know undoubtedly they do believe these terrible lies.

It's important to remember that none of these children came forward with this allegations. Rather, they told these lies after being asked and interrogated with inappropriate leading questions. It is through those measures that I believe these children came to believe that these lies were really true.

I have done a test on my own four year old son.

I asked him "Did a baby lion kiss you while we were at the beach?"

(We haven't been to a beach in 3 years)

He looked confused then said "I think so."

I said "What did it feel like?" He then said "The same as your kisses feel like."

At that point, I just told him I was being silly and he was never kissed by a lion while we were at the beach. But my brief experiment shows a glimpse of what can happen with asking leading questions to children. I was asking him leading questions. Instead, I should ask "What happened at the beach?", "Tell me what happened at the beach" and perhaps "Did anything happen at the beach that made you not feel safe? If so, please tell me about it."

The majority of local citizens believe 100% in Tonya Craft's innocence. A Facebook group entitled "Truth for Tonya" has over 4,000 members who strongly feel that Tonya Craft is innocent. (Click here to visit it.) The popular human lie detector behind the "Eyes for Lies Blog" has noted her innocence for the beginning. (Click here for more details.)

Mrs. Craft's fight is not over.

Her next step is to obtain custody of her two children. Both whom I consider to be victims of not Craft, but inept therapy, incorrect forensic interviews, and parental alienation.

Just hours after the not guilty verdict was read, Craft's attorneys filed an emergency petition to restore Craft's contact with the children. Sadly, Joal Henke, Tonya Craft's ex-husband, filed a motion to stop it saying ""have prospered and developed educationally, spiritually and physically and they have developed a full and well nurturing environment." While is not against visitation, Joal Henke doesn't want toTonya Craft to regain custody.

Part of my says this is not my business and I should stay out of it. But I can't. And, as a tax-paying citizen, it does concern me.

Here goes my attempt at an open letter to Joal Henke regarding his fight with his ex-wife Tonya Craft on the custody of their children.

Dear Mr. Henke:

I want to start my saying that my heart does go out to you. Your daughter has been the victim of our system. I don't doubt that she believes these lies, and truly feels she's been abused. She herself has been a victim of inappropriate interviewing through leading questions, inept therapy, and a botched investigation. The trauma that she has experienced here is perhaps just as traumatic as a true sexual abuse victim. As your ex-wife, Tonya Craft, has stated there are "no winners" from this ordeal, and it is the children who the true victims.

Mr. Henke, with all due respect, it saddens me to hear about your recent behavior.

Your ex-wife is innocent of all of these malicious charges. While you may not truly believe that at this moment, I don't doubt, in time, you will believe she was innocent. In fact, I do expect a public apology by the other victim's families and perhaps yourself in the future.

Your children need their mother. Now, more than ever.

Please return your children to where they need to be - with their mommy.

Please work peacefully, responsibly and in a mature matter with your ex-wife on the raising of your children.

You can't take back things you've said to your daughter and son. But, Mr. Henke, you can control your behavior in the future.

Begin by making a promise to yourself. Promise yourself that you will never, ever badmouth your ex-wife Tonya Craft to your children. Promise yourself that you will never feed and nurse these horrible lies. Promise yourself that you will now play a role in the "undoing" of these horrific lies. Promise yourself that you will help your daughter (and son) begin to heal.

Please consult a psychologist who specializes in false memory syndrome. (I don't doubt that Tonya will help you will finding one.) Ask for his/her advice on how to help your child heal.

One step to take is to simply say to your daughter "Honey, I made a big, big, BIG mistake. Mommy never hurt you and I allowed you to believe that these bad things happened to you. Please forgive me. I want you and mommy to restore the wonderful relationship you once had. I'm here for you, and while I can't change what has happened in the past, I can do my best to be the best daddy to you. I'm going to do everything possible to help mommy be the best mommy she can be for you. I love you."

Mr. Henke, do not allow your child to hear any type of false accusations about their mother. In order for your daughter to heal, she needs to be surrounded by the truth. The truth is that Tonya Craft never harmed your precious daughter, or your other children. As a father, you need to protect her from further psychological harm and provide your children with the truth.

I also ask, Mr. Henke, that you make a public apology to your ex-wife Tonya Craft. Let the healing begin.

Sincerely,

Rachel Carpenter

SOURCES:

My Childhood Experience
My Social Work Experience
http://www.wdef.com/news/tonya_craft_tries_to_regain_custody_of_her_2_kids/05/2010
http://news.nationalpost.com/2010/05/12/tonya-craft-georgia-teacher-accused-of-molesting-kids-acquitted/
http://www.timesfreepress.com/news/2010/may/14/craft-ex-not-opposed-to-more-visitation/
http://www.wdef.com/news/local_reaction_to_craft_verdict/05/2010