A Parent's Perspective on Teenage Cutting

I don't think any parent is prepared when they get a call from a school nurse and a guidance counselor explaining to them they are on speaker phone and they are about to hear some bad news about their child. At first I was shocked, slowly my mind started to slip and I started to cry, I mean my beautiful daughter how could she destroy her beautiful body, how could she inflict pain upon herself, but most of all how could I not see any of these warnings signs. We had always had an open relationship we talked a lot, laughed and joked, even talked about personal stuff, relationships, sex, boyfriends, everything!

I knew she was having troubles at school it was something we had been addressing over and over again between the principle, assistant principle and guidance counselor. For a school that puts so much pride into having a zero bullying policy sure was dropping the ball when it came to this issue at hand. You see, they claim they always have to have a witness; the only problem is, when they did have a witness they would claim they need to always have a creditable witness. What makes this hard is this witness, the other child is a good student, never been in trouble, just like my own. So what makes this child not a creditable witness?

At this point in time you have to decide as a parent what to put on the back burner while you deal with what is most important to you. Your child! I decided at this time I had to take charge and get to the bottom of what was wrong with my daughter and get her the help she needed. The fact this was happening over the holidays did not help because all the places I called told me they were backed up and we would probably not get any call backs until after the holidays. Although, the good news was, as a cutter they rarely committed suicide and they were just into causing themselves physical pain to take away from their emotional pain. Yes, I was actually told this by one of the places I called. I don't think I have ever shed so many tears in a day then I did the day I got the call from the school and all the calls I placed.

I have learned through all this though that I could not run through the house hiding all the sharp items. If she was going to cut herself she would always be able to find something and if worse came to worse she would use her finger nails. I would not pad down her room and remove everything. I could not make her life miserable and single her out and make her want to cut herself even more. I had to make her life as normal as possible at home and help her deal with the problems she was having at school. I had to be her mother, her friend, and her major line of support. All the things I was, but I had to step it up more than ever because my little girl needed me.

One thing I had to learn not to do is stare at her, this was one of the hardest things to do. More than anything I wanted to look at her arms her legs and see if there was anything new, if she was opening old cuts, if she was healing okay. My heart was breaking and I knew the best thing for her was not to be over bearing I had to give up some control in this part. Then it dawned on me, one day, I got up early and I laid out a few Band-Aids some triple antibiotic ointment and a note that said I love you. She came to me that night and told me she knew I loved her and said she would like to talk. I held my breath as my daughter opened up to me and told me she hadn't been cutting since I had found out. She told me the pain she had caused me was enough pain to last her a lifetime. I think both of our hearts broke that night but it was a time for healing for her and I. Slowly I am getting my beautiful daughter back her wounds are healing but the scars will always remain on her body. Someday I hope the mental pain that she had to endure will fade. As her mother I will carry her pain in my heart for the rest of my life there are some things a mother will never be able to let go, our children's suffering is one.

As a parent you need to learn sometimes the best thing to do is to let go, you cannot scream at your child during a time like this research into cutting taught me this. As much as I wanted to rattle her senseless I am glad I had chosen to listen to everything I had read. You cannot hide the knives and sharp items you also cannot submit them to daily body checks. This is humiliating to them and will also inflict mental pain upon them, which will cause them to want to cut. The whole purpose in this is to do what you can to stop the mental pain by stopping the mental part of it the physical aspect of it may stop.

Although she is no longer cutting at this point in her life the fear is always there for me that she may return to it when she falls on a weak part in her life or times get tough. This is why I decided that counseling is a good option, luckily she has agreed and we have a lovely counselor who my daughter seems to have a good relationship with and enjoys talking to. I feel together she will learn the coping skills she needs to better cope with the mental aspects to find another venue to release her anguish instead of through cutting. Hopefully origami or something less stressful as her poor mom doesn't think she can go through another phone call like the first.