A Pastafarian Guide to the Holidays

First off, this is not an article that describes the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. For those who are interested in learning about it, here is the official website. This article interests itself in what Pastafarians do for the holidays. There are several Pastafarian holidays, and we celebrate them often and heartily.

PASTOVER
Pastover is a holiday which can be likened to the Jewish holiday of Passover, as well as the Christian holiday Easter. There is no specific time when this holiday takes place, mostly on the whim of the Pastafarians involved. It is celebrated primarily through the consuming of large quantities of pasta by Pastafarians all over the world. Spaghetti is the past of choice since it closely resembles Him. Also, participants share stories of when the Flying Spaghetti Monster first began touching people with His Noodly Appendage. Some of these stories have been passed down from generation to generation, and as The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster states, they are all completely different with some being hardly intelligible. The most important ritual involved in Pastover is the Passing of the Eye Patch. In this time-honored tradition, each member at the table takes a turn wearing an eye patch, and talks about why they are happy for being touched (by His Noodly Appendage).

RAMENDAN
A quote from The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, "Ramendan is analogous to the Islamic period of fasting, prayer, and charity known as Ramadan". While the two holidays share similarities, one of the major differences is that Pastafarians do not fast or pray since doing so would conflict with their flimsy moral standards. Instead, Pastafarians spend a few days eating only Ramen noodles. In doing so, they remember their days as low-income college students. The act reminds us to be happy about what we've accomplished. For those of us who haven't accomplished anything yet, it is an act that reminds us to be happy that they are Pastafarians. At the end of the holiday, Pastafarians are encouraged to give their leftover packages of Ramen to those who are less fortunate.

HALLOWEEN
This is perhaps the most pervasive and socially accepted Pastafarian holiday. It honors the time when Pirates roamed the earth in freedom. As is stated in the gospel, Pirates were His Chosen People, and their dwindling numbers can be directly linked to the changes in Earth's environment. While words can convince, this graph tells the whole story. On Halloween, Pastafarians dress up as Pirates and pass out candy to children, which Pirates were known to do in the past.

INTERNATIONAL TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY
This international holiday takes place every September 19, and is yet another opportunity for Pastafarians to celebrate their Pirate heritage. Here is the official website. In celebration it is similar to Halloween. Pastafarians are urged to dress up like Pirates and search out wenches and grog. Candy is optional but encouraged. This day is also the largest day of conversions of the year. This can be attributed to the fact that grog and other alcohol weakens hardened opinions and leaves people more open to alternative viewpoints.

FRIDAY
Friday is the holiest of Pastafarian holidays. It takes place every Friday, and observance is strongly encouraged. To properly celebrate the day, Pastafarians are to take it easy and when possible find some sun. To quote from the gospel, "Fridays are dedicated to the ideals beholden in the Beer Volcano and the Stripper Factory, and one can do no more to honor His Noodly Appendage than to obserge Fridays with the utmost piety.

HOLIDAY
Holiday is up there with Halloween as one of the most pervasive and socially accepted holidays of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It stretches over most of December and January, which makes it one long party. It should be noted that many schools and businesses take part in this holiday, which can be seen in their preference to tell people to have a happy "Holiday season" not "Christmas season". Celebration of Holiday is simple: eat, drink, and be merry!

As you can see, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has no aversion to holidays. I hope someday that you will join us, and the world will live as one!