A Personal Perspective of Parent Abuse

In today's society, it seems like there is always a new form of abuse we are being made aware of. There's child abuse, sexual abuse, spousal abuse, animal abuse, elder abuse, and many more. One that stands out for me though, is parent abuse. It isn't because I have kids, because I've never given birth to a child in my life, but my perspective on parent abuse is from that of the teen that dished out the abuse. Before I go into that though, let me give you an idea of what my life had been like as a kid. I had few very few friends; my dad had been abusive. I was bullied by classmates in school, and really looking back, there were very few safe havens for me and the safe havens I had were very limited in regards to accessibility. When I reported the abuse, nobody believed me, and as the years went on, I became very cold, bitter, and filled to overflowing with rage I didn't understand or know how to get rid of. My parents divorced when I was around 11 or 12 years old, which left me living with my Mom, younger Sister and younger Brother. My Mom did her best to let me know she loved me and cared for me, but in my eyes she was one of many enemies since she was among those who didn't believe me in regards to what I had gone through because of my dad and at school. I would go from being what my Mom describes me as being a "great kid" to being this wild totally out of control beast at the drop of a hat. There were times I had tried to push my Mom down the stairs, along with hit and kick her, not to mention called her some horrible names and regularly told her I hated her. Nobody knew what to do with me I was labeled as "a bright highly intelligent teen with severe behavior problems". People asked me why I was so angry, and since nobody believed me when I told them before, I gave up telling people about my past history of being abused. Though by then I had blocked out many of the things that happened to me, and could only vaguely remember fragments of my past, so saying that I didn't know or couldn't remember wasn't that far from the truth. I ended up spending my teen years bouncing around from group homes and shelters, to short-term and long-term psychiatric facilities. Amazingly, the only constant in my life was my Mom, she stood by me and tried to encourage me to get help and do the work I needed to do to sort out the turmoil inside me despite the fact that in many ways, I was a teenager from hell to put it mildly.

I don't know exactly what happened that caused me to begin to realize that I needed to change but over the years, I've been able to rebuild my relationship with my Mom, and it seems like the older I get, the wiser she gets. I've been able to talk with my Mom about our life during my teens, and over that past several years that I've been in therapy, having been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), which was formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). My Mom feels based on what she has learned in her college classes, and from what she has seen in regards to info about DID, that what she saw and experienced in trying to help me was the beginning stages of DID surfacing in me.

Does having a mental illness make my behavior excusable? No, I don't feel that having a mental illness of any kind gives anyone the right to abuse anyone else for any reason. Some might say that I was justified to lash out, because those who should have been protecting me, failed to do so, but in my eyes, that would be nothing more then an excuse. What I did was wrong, no matter how I look at it. So, since I can't change the past, I've been working on improving my relationship with my Mom, and am beginning to try and encourage parents not to give up on their teens, and encourage teens to seek help if they find they are controlling their home through any kind of abuse. I know I can't change the world, but maybe by sharing my experiences, someone else might be able to get the foothold they need to be able to change their own part of the world beginning at home. I would encourage parents to encourage the good they see in their kids, while consistently disciplining their teens when they are out of control. Utilize services available in your communities, and find a support system of other parents, networking can be just as beneficial to parents as it is in the business world. To the teens, ask yourself if you will be able to honestly look in the mirror and say your teen years were the best of your life, I look back on mine and see shame, pain, and anguish and it isn't a pretty sight. Work with your parents, and know that even though you want more then anything to be your own boss, that once you're an adult, you'll be facing a life that you may not be prepared for if you don't learn to abide by the rules your parents set down during the short time you live with them. As an abuser, every aspect of your life will be impacted in one way or another, I ended up dropping out of school, and even though I got a GED, I'm in many ways, behind others my age when it comes to academics because of bouncing around from place to place so much. Find someone you trust that you feel you can look up to as a mentor who is a positive role model and let them guide you in a better direction then the life of a control freak; an abuser. Above all, parents and children need to learn to listen to each other. Parents, you can learn a lot about your kids and where they are at if you take time to listen with your hearts; teens especially need to listen with their hearts to their parents things don't make sense, and your world may feel like it's spinning out of control, but life can get better if you give those around you the respect to allow them to show you how to get to the better side of things.