A Plan to Help Your Shy Child Conquer the World

It's human nature to approach new people and situations with caution - we all do that. But after a few minutes the apprehension diminishes and interaction becomes easier. Of course sometimes adults need a drink to loosen up to feel more at ease in social settings. Your child doesn't have that option. Here are some ways you can help your child to feel more comfortable interacting with others.

Let's start with play groups

Children who go to day care are usually less shy then those who stay at home. The more opportunity for social interaction your children will have the more skilled they will become interacting with others. Organize a play group with children very close in age to your child. Every child should have an adult stay when the group is starting and not use it as drop off time. The adults should be actively involved in helping the children get to know each other. Slowly move away and only go as far as your child will allow. Make comments to your child about how well they are doing and how nicely they are playing. You want this to be a positive experience because you are going to have your child recall it in the future.

Your child needs a shot of self-esteem

You can't vaccinate for self confidence but you can infuse it. We all tell our children how wonderful they are but now do it with a twist. Instead of saying "Wow, you built that tower? It's great!" you should say "Wow, you built that tower? It's great! I bet Tommy would love to build with you." Include others when you praise so that your child begins to connect them to moments when they felt accomplished and successful. If you know who your child will be interacting with tomorrow, make those types of comments about them today. Set up those positive feelings before you get there. When you get there recall those confident moments your child had in the play group.

Big adults can be very scary to a little kid

Adults who work with children on a professional basis know that they should bend their knees and come down to a child's level when they speak to them, not lean forward and bend over them. This is because big people scare and intimidate little people. Don't let people bend down to speak to your child. Ask them to crouch or sit. Children will be more easily engaged if they are facing someone eye to eye rather than looking up to someone towering over them.

If you must go, leave a transitional object

A transitional object is something that your child knows belongs to you, sees you with often and believes you want and need. For a mom, it's usually a small object from her purse - like a lipstick. Give this object to your child when you leave and ask them to take care of it for you. Tell them you will want it when you return. This will give them a greater sense of security with the heightened belief that you will return for the object and so for them too. Never give your child the object as a gift. It must remain yours and you must want it back. Always tell the adult you are leaving your child with that you have done this and show them the object. If you child loses it they will get very upset and the adult must be able to help your child find it. Don't leave anything that can make a mess so if you are leaving something like a lipstick case make sure to remove all the lipstick first. Key chains and handkerchiefs work well too.

Always respect your child's level of maturity and don't push them to do things they aren't ready to do. If your child needs to be ripped from your leg as they grasp on, they are not ready to go. Work on this plan and try again next month.