A Purpose Driven Life

Yesterday I read one of my poems to preface the message during all 4 services at Northstar. I had written this poem in early September especially for this particular sermon.
So many things worked against me being able to read my words Yesterday... the last few weeks have been crazy, It was like a comedy of errors. And after being in the hospital for nine days with a pulmonary embolism in my LEFT lung, that started as a small blood clot in my RIGHT foot,(now tell me that's not God running interference for me on the Heartfront) from driving for 6 hours with fewer stops than I should have made. Then not getting out of the Hospital until Friday afternoon, not being able to find my rough draft original written copy, deleting the poem from sent mail with a mistaken click, and having to find a back-up copy, running out of ink in my printer, emailing it to myself and going out to Mother's to pull it up and print it, at which time the pop up blocker wouldn't let me print from my email, and the top print symbol would only print out 3 verses in letters too small to read decently..... then had to copy it off the computer by hand, all of this, happening to an already horizontally challenged, body mass of couch fluff..... I almost gave in.... And especially on Saturday evening, when It seemed that the vertical Hangover from hospital life, would not allow me the energy that I needed to get ready and be at Northstar by 7:45 AM on Sunday Morning and sit Horizonally through 4 services. I almost called Lee and said, "I can't Make it!"
But then..... that would have been like calling Satan and saying, "Hey, you win!"
I knew that.... and in my heart of hearts.... I also knew that what I read would touch a life, (that's why I write you know, to touch lives....) So I prayed for help! Help to be me again, not this awful feeling person who's voice seemed to be going in and out, like it does sometimes when I don't give myself enough down time.
When I got up on Sunday morning, I felt better than I had felt in a long time.... I was ready and there by 7:50, and oh my gosh, what an incredible day it was! God's Grace is so Awesome! I can't begin to explain the number of times His Grace has seen me through bad times and good times too. But it takes my effort too, I have to ask, and then trust, that he will take care of something.... He won't just butt into my life if I don't want him there, or if I think that I need to handle something myself. You see, taking back problems was always a specialty of mine, sure I'd give them to him, but then I'd start worrying and trying to take it back on my shoulders, effectively taking it out of his complete control. I still struggle with that sometimes. But that's a Human thing... He's always there to take it again, when I finally realize that it's his problem and not mine to deal with... That's a GOD thing..... And I read somewhere one time that When we worry, we're in essence saying, "God, I don't trust you" Too many times I've said this to him, well not in those words maybe, but by the way I acted, by the thoughts in my mind on one life disrupting matter or another...... That's when he just steps back and says,"ok, I'll wait for you to ask again." And I always do....
Getting back to yesterday.... and my writing.... They may be my poems and writings, but they are God's Words. I'm just not smart enough to write the things that I write without his help! And I know that he is speaking to someone through my pen in hand, every time he inspires me to write. So I will keep writing, and I will keep sharing, and I will keep the Faith no matter what. God has shown me my purpose...
Now I have to fulfill it.....

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