A Realistic Look at Today's Family Meal Time

Growing up, did you create that ideal image of your future family? You might have pictured your family sitting around the dinner table, asking one another politely about their days, calmly passing the peas or the roast chicken. The children, polite and considerate, offering to help wash dishes afterwards?

Welcome to present day, where today's schedules make it difficult for the entire family to eat together. Meals are thrown together last minute, picked up from the most convenient drive through, or delivered to your front door by someone you know by name. As for polite conversation, does "Oh, mom, just what is this thing on my plate?" count?

Who wouldn't want to be more in control of our family's meal-times? We would like our meals to more nutritious, delicious to every member, cost effective, and easy to make. Yes, we can all dream. The first thing we need to do is to perform a reality check, after throwing our "perfect" image of the family meal out the window.

Families aren't perfect, therefore family meals will not be perfect. Let go of that idea of "perfect", and embrace the idea of "great". Kids bickering? Great, at least they're talking to each other. Kids picking at their food? Great, at least they're eating something. Try to enjoy the toddler spreading carrots in his hair, the five year old staring off into space having some kind of out-of-body experience, or the teenager who is actually sitting in the same room with you. Before long, those kids will be grown and out of the house, and you'll miss those precious moments.

Today's families have busy schedules. If you truly want to have more family time, you'll most likely have to juggle some schedules or cut back on a few activities. If you're not eating any meals together, try for two or three times a week. Mark it on the family calendar.

Here are a few things to think about while pounding your head on the refrigerator door.

1. Let the adults take turns cooking. Of course this can be a very negotiable and very touchy subject, so handle with care.

2. Include kids in meal preparation, if only for a short time during the preparation process. Even young kids can crack an egg or plop flour into a bowl. Older kids can have more responsibility, and learn practical skills. (No, calling the local pizza joint is not a practical skill.) Expect more messes, but chalk them up to "valuable life experiences". If you're cranky from a miserable day, you might want to let the kids help another time.

3. It's OK to order take out occasionally. Stop beating yourself up. Pizza is a food group on its own, isn't it?

4. Have someone else cook for you. Those yummy chickens next to the Deli counter don't cost much more than a fresh chicken. Serve with fresh fruit and veggies, and you've got a great meal. Companies that cook meals and deliver them are also an option, if your budget will allow it. Try

5. More is better. Make extra or double portions when you actually do cook - use left-overs for lunches, for another dinner, or stick them in the freezer.

Ideas to make meal time more pleasurable:

1. Turn off TVs, radios, and any other electronic do-dads during the meal. This will decrease distraction and encourage conversation.

2. Limit the amount of work-talk for the adults. It's good for the kids to hear a little about their parent's day, but they'll start rolling their eyes after a few minutes when the conversation turns boring.

3. Respect silences. If someone doesn't want to join a lively conversation, just let them eat. If silences become too long, or they make silence a habit, gently prod them with questions to include them in conversation.

4. Respect Chitty-Chatters, but set limits. Most families have them - the people who will talk about anything for hours on-end, in excruciatingly detail. Don't let that toddler hog the entire meal time telling everyone about the adventures of Barbie - tell her that other people can talk, too, and she needs to listen.