A Redneck's Take on Gyneth Paltrow

Wunce upon uh time thar was uh celebritee by the name uv Gwyneth Paltrow!
Win she's around, I reckon she makes them birdies sing like they're on steroids!

Here's what she looks like when she's dun pluckin' her mustache haares:
a lamp-post with two headlights.

Gwyneth Paltrow is purdier than a coon-cap in a microwave.
Mah Great Aunt Airballoon is filled with hot gas over Gwyneth Paltrow.
She say that gal only wants me cuz I drive a pink pickup truck.

Mah cuzin Wilbert reckons Gwyneth Paltrow
would be more fun than an upchuckin' contest.

Mah hometown made a big ol' statue uv her outta beauty mud, in her honor.

She dun made uh name fer herself when she dun them thangs she dun that flicked my bic.

Gwyneth Paltrow come a long way from that shy little gal who used to raise her bra up the flag pole.

So next time yer milkin' the cows, be shore to think about Gwyneth Paltrow.