A Roommate Guide: How to Find Good Roommates and Live Peacefully

So, first you need to figure out if you want to live with roommates, and how many roommates. Let's examine the upside: It's always cheaper to live with roommates. Not only can you find houses that are cheaper per room with many people, but many basic bills don't go up proportionally to how many people are living in a house (think about heat--it's going to be the same temperature whether it's one person or four, but with four it'll be much cheaper individually. Or power--sure, more people use more power, but there are many things that use a lot of power just being there--refrigerator, TV (even if it's not on), etc.). So if cost is a consideration, look for someone to share the bills with--the more the better. Also, roommates often have things that you don't, so if you don't own lots of furniture, kitchen equipment, or various other appliances, living with roommates can be handy. And finally, if you're moving somewhere where you don't know a lot of people, living with roommates can be a good way to make friends and meet new people.

Then again, not everyone lives well with roommates, even if the roommates are their friends. The more people you live with, the more compromises you have to make. If you're the controlling type, this can be a huge problem. Also, the more roommates, the messier it's likely to get, so if you like things really

clean and ordered, it's probably not going to work out well. Personally, I've lived with five to six people in the past and for the most part we got along great, so it can work. If you're easygoing and willing to make compromises and let go of things, it'll usually work out okay. If that's not you, stick to one roommate who is quiet, private, or hardly ever home.

So, if you've decided you want to live with roommates, but don't have any potential roommates available, you have options. There are plenty of roommate-finding sites out there, but I would recommend going through craigslist (www.craigslist.org/). All the other sites I've found will charge you money to be able to e-mail people, but craigslist is completely free to post ads, read ads, and contact others.

You have two options if you're going this way: one is to look under rooms/shared for people who already have houses but are looking for someone to fill a room. This is a good option if you don't want to deal with the hassle of moving into an empty house and getting the power turned on, the bills in your name, etc. In general, you'll end up with a little less responsibility (but also a little less control). The plus side of this arrangement is that it's much simpler--you e-mail some people, you move into an already established house, you pay rent and bills. Sometimes you won't even have to sign lease.

On the downside, you may feel less like you've rented a house and more like you've rented a bedroom. Also, you don't get to go through the exciting process of choosing a house that you really like, because your options are more limited. It just depends on the people you find and your personality. It can work out, but it doesn't always.
To ensure that it works out, search for roommates who are right for you. Don't just take the first living situation you find--tell the potential roommates about yourself, and ask them lots of questions (about the house, the room, the bills, and them) before making a decision. I recommend contacting multiple people at first because people who sound good in their posts don't always sound great when you actually get to talking to them, and vice versa. But be quick about it--good places often go quickly.

The other option is to look for roommates to rent a place with. You can do this before you've found a place by posting an ad asking if there are people who want to help look for a place, or if you already have a place (or want to look on your own), you can post an ad for roommates. If you do post such an ad, make sure you're specific about who you are and what you're looking for. In addition to information about the house and room(s) available, describe your personality, living style, etc., and be direct in stating your preferences for roommates. Be sure to include any deal-breakers in the ad to narrow down the responses. Some good things to include are your cleanliness level (and desired house cleanliness level), if you prefer a certain age range or gender, your drinking/smoking/party tendencies, and pet policies. Use your descriptions to establish what kind of house you'd like it to be: calm and quiet, friendly and open, loud and raucous, laid back and laissez-faire, etc.

If you post an ad, you'll likely get a lot of responses. Start by weeding out the e-mails--go through them and organize them into the ones you're interested in and the ones you don't think will work out. Then e-mail back all the ones you're interested in. After you exchange a few e-mails, if you still seem compatible, meet the person so you can get to know more about them and discuss any questions and concerns either of you may have. Once it's gotten to this point, make sure you let people know the lease situation, the deposit amount, how the utilities are split, and whether there is an application fee.

Keep in mind that a lot of craigslist people are flakey and will sometimes back out at the last moment without so much as an e-mail. That's why it's good to meet potential roommates in person, and meet many of them. Even if you have someone who seems committed, keep in touch with others just in case. But don't be a jerk--be direct and honest with everyone involved. Don't become a craigslist flake--if you've found people, don't string other interested people along, let them know. In the past, I found that most people will really appreciate even a simple e-mail letting them know that the room(s) is/are no longer available.

Another great way to find roommates is ask friends and acquaintances if they know of anyone who is looking for a room. Often, people know one or two people who are looking, and sometimes it's easier and more comfortable to live with someone with whom you have a mutual friend/acquaintance than to move in with strangers. Make sure your friends/acquaintances can vouch for these people first. The problem with this system is you might feel obligated to live with a friend of a friend once you've met him/her, even if you two are not entirely compatible. If you go through craigslist, you can choose people who seem like a good fit without feeling a sense of obligation towards the others.

Once you've found roommates and moved into a place, you need to find a way to make and keep a happy, peaceful living situation. The most important thing here is communication. Passive-aggressiveness will never, ever, ever help a roommate situation, believe me. Snarky notes, for instance, are one of the quickest ways to turn roommates into enemies. Always be upfront about what you want and don't want. If you establish basic house rules and preferences early on, it will be less likely that someone unintentionally offends or bothers someone else. If you discuss rather than demand, people are more likely to be receptive. Remember to keep things in perspective--figure out what's most important to you in a living situation, and decide to let everything else go. Getting upset over little things is just a waste of time and energy, and not worth it anyway--it usually just creates tension between roommates rather than improving things. If you only have a few major issues, people will be more likely to respond positively than if you get upset at/have rules about every little thing. Pick your battles!

A lot of roommate tension also stems from a lack of empathy and understanding. If get upset with your roommates, you may start to dehumanize them, which will almost definitely cause the situation to spiral downward. Try treating your roommates as though they're your friends (whether they are or aren't): be kind and fair, try to understand where they're coming from, compromise when necessary, and communicate openly. If you're friendly and respectful to your roommates, you will probably get similar treatment in return.

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try or how great of a roommate you are, you find yourself in a bad roommate situation. Sometimes this is because you just aren't compatible with your roommate(s), and sometimes it's because your roommate is just crazy or a huge jerk. That's an unfortunate and sometimes unavoidable situation. If either of you are not on the lease, it's a good time to look for new housing. Even if you're both on the lease, consider subletting. Other than getting out, I don't know what to suggest for that situation. Often if it's gotten to that point, the other person is not being reasonable enough to work out some sort of compromise. So get out if you can; if not, find a way to spend less time at home and bide your time until your lease is up (or make your roommate miserable enough to move out--ha!--but I don't actually recommend that).

Good luck with the roommate search--it can be a hassle, but it's all totally worth it when you find the right people.