A Scary Story for AC Worthy of a $30 "Prize"

Once upon a time there lived an AC contributor named Maria Roth. Maria liked to write funny stories. She figured she could write a scary story if she put her mind to it. In fact, she wrote a scary story last year that wasn't too bad. Read it here. It's cool. You'll like it. You'll read it and say, "Wow, that story should have won last year's Scary Story Contest on AC!" But that was then; this is now.

Maria needs to win this year's Scary Story Contest because that's the only way she'll ever get one of those coveted AC wild-card assignments that pays thirty dollars. Thirty whole dollars! That's unreal! Most of the stuff Maria publishes on AC earns less than one dollar, so thirty dollars for one article is a really big deal. Maria wonders what topic she'll have to write about to earn her amazing thirty-dollar prize. She hopes she won't have to write about healthcare reform or Kanye West.

"Please let it be an exclusive interview with Robert Pattinson," Maria thinks, "or a review of the Disney World Resort. I'd write those articles for free, assuming AC actually delivered Robert Pattinson to my doorstep or Disney World tickets to my mailbox."

Maria better get her interview questions ready for Robert Pattinson (these $30 wild-card assignments don't write themselves, you know):

1. Hi, Rob! It's great to finally meet you. So when are you and Kristen Stewart getting married?

2. Are you jealous that Taylor gets to turn into a wolf in New Moon? Not that being a vampire isn't cool, but, come on, wolf is even cooler, don't ya think?

3. Why don't you write for AC? Do you have any idea how many girls would read your articles? Dude, you'd make Clout 10 your first week here! Acting is fine and dandy while you're young, but I'm thinking of your future...Of course, maybe girls won't want to read your articles when you're old and wrinkly. Forget that I brought it up.

4. What did you mean just now when you asked me to marry you? I thought you and Kristen were all hot and heavy...I'm flattered and all, but I'm just a little older than you and I'm sorta already married. I mean, my husband would happily give me up for $500,000 or so. It's not like I'm priceless! Oh, you shouldn't listen to anything I say. I can totally see why you want me. Excuse me while I delete this silly article I published awhile ago-I honestly didn't mean it when I said I thought David Boreanaz is a way hotter vampire than you. I must've been on drugs when I wrote that! Rob? Rob, where are you going?! Don't leave! I'll figure out a way to marry you!

Uh-oh. That didn't go very well. Good thing AC was already planning to send Maria and her family to the Walt Disney World Resort in Florida. (We all knew that the AC-exclusive Robert Pattinson interview was never going to happen. A Disney World vacation is way more realistic!)

But before Maria packs her suitcases, she'd better win this Scary Story Contest once and for all, eh? What's scarier than zombies, vampires, evil aliens, werewolves, nasty witches, angry poltergeists, rabid squirrels, and psychotic murderers? That's easy: finding out that your child has a life-threatening illness. That's downright terrifying, and makes a person want to roll her eyes at the dorky zombies crawling out of their graves and moaning.

Maria's not crazy enough to think that she'll actually win this Scary Story Contest, but she didn't want to ditch the assignment altogether. She detests that snotty message that pops up when she tries to "release" an AC assignment that she should have never claimed in the first place: "How dare you claim an assignment and then change your mind about it! We weren't going to pay you upfront for the assignment, but we still expect you to bend over backwards to get the article done on time, and we trust you to use proper spelling and grammar, and if you don't cite all your sources, we're going to slice you up and pour acid in your wounds!" Oh, AC, you big kidder, you!

Special note from Maria (she's tired of writing about herself in the third person): Happy Halloween, everybody! Please accept my sincere thanks for all of your kind messages, poems, and prayers. My husband and I are still posting regular updates on Audrey's CarePage here: https://www.carepages.com/carepages/roth377. (You will have to create your own account-it's free-to view our CarePage.) Audrey came home from the hospital last Wednesday night, and she's been doing very well. I will take her to the Children's Mercy clinic for her next round of chemo and another bone marrow test on Wednesday morning.

My husband and parents are astounded by the outpouring of love from "internet strangers." I know that you guys aren't really strangers. I have quite a few real friends here, and I am grateful for all of you.

Sources and Related Articles:

Here's the most horrifying overuse of keywords I've ever seen in a single article: http://www.thedeadbolt.com/news/106279/twilight_pattinson_stewart_mtv_vmas_news.php

Very un-scary, heartwarming AC articles/slideshows dedicated to Audrey (if I'm missing any, please let me know):

For Audrey

A Crocodile for Audrey

Princess Audrey

One Precious

If you want to read a good scary story on AC, check out Branwen's.