A Sex and Dating Guide for Loser Guys that Can't Afford a Clue

1. Lame pickup lines do not work on MySpace. Here's clue number one - if an overused line doesn't work on girls out in the real world, what makes you think it's going to work online? If it does, then you are probably talking to a 60-year-old man posing as a 14-year-old cheerleader.

2. Women are smarter than you. Yes, it's true. We are smarter than you. So, don't act shocked when we call you on your lies or lip service. We've been dealing with losers like you longer than we care to admit to ourselves. If you can't respect our intelligence, then you're better off sitting home alone and jerking off.

3. Sometimes yes does mean no and no does mean yes. Face it - women are insanely confusing. So, I suggest you put up with it and shut your mouths, unless you expect to be batting for the other team anytime soon. But, mostly no DOES mean no.

4. If we have to tell you size doesn't matter...then it's probably too small. So, if you don't want an honest opinion, then don't ask or play head games with us by telling us it's small. Chances are, if you think your size is inadequate, then we're probably thinking the same thing.

5. And, furthermore, if you have to boast about how big your penis is, it's really not. Please do us a favor and just let us enjoy what you do have instead of trying to detour our attention in regards to how bad you are in bed. Remember - we are smarter than you.

6. Get used to the fact that it takes us longer to get ready. Don't be surprised if it takes us two hours to get ready. Would you rather go on a date with Angelina Jolie or Janet Reno?

7. If we have to ask you if any of our body parts makes us look fat...and you have to think about it, then you've already lost the war. Sometimes a girl just needs to hear how beautiful we are. If you don't think you are, then do yourself a favor, see the last sentence of number two.

8. Don't take our phone number..EVER. Because, we know you don't really plan on calling us. How many times does it need to be said? We are really much smarter than you think we look.

9. Whatever weird sexual act you want to do, we probably don't want to. So, be happy with what you get, if anything at all.

10. And, always remember..women control whether or not you're going to get lucky.