A Simple Thank You Will Suffice

I was visiting my mother's home a couple of years ago when she called me to her room. She had pulled out a box and was seated on the floor. She patted the floor beside her, so I sat down. We poured through old papers and photographs. Some were from my grandmother.

My grandmother was born in 1909 to an affluent family in Ballston, Virginia. She grew to marry a fine and handsome cadet from the Naval Academy at Annapolis. They traveled the world and lived a full life. When I last saw her, they were living in a small mobile home community in Hemet, California. They had paired down their worldly possessions to fit the small home. Their most precious papers were in a finely carved Chinese Trunk in the living room.

As my mother and I reviewed some of the papers, we came across an envelope with a childish scrawl. It was addressed to my grandparents with my name and my sister's above the return address.

Inside were two short notes, one from each of us, expressing thanks for a pair of flip- flops. We each had shared what was special to us about our gift. I said they were comfortable. My sister said they were pretty. We each closed with wishes for happy travels in their new trailer on their upcoming trip to Mexico.

When was the last time you wrote a thank you note? If you're like me, you probably just picked up the phone, said thank you and then moved on to other subjects.

Have you ever considered the value of a written thank you note?

More importantly, do you know how to write one?

Begin with a purchase of stationary, note cards, a postcard or note paper. Stay away from full size paper. The vast empty space is intimidating.

I suggest keeping those supplies handy along with postage stamps. In this day of electronic bill-pay, postage stamps may be foreign to you. Buy a book of twenty and promise yourself to use them before the next postal rate increase. You might want to invest in the new personalized use-your-own-photo postage stamps being offered at nearly every photo center.

In any case, arm yourself. Be prepared to say thank you in writing.

Are you wondering when a thank you note is expected?

I say we forget the rules of Emily Post, Miss Manners and others of their kind. They have their rules and etiquette about these things. The would tell you to always send notes in the following situations:

For wedding gifts; for sympathy letters or flowers; to a hostess after a party; for bridal gifts or shower gifts or gifts that came in the mail; for the host when you're a houseguest or after a dinner party, etc., etc., etc.

I say we start a revolution. We will not write a thank you note simply because it is expected.

Let us write "thank you" when it is needed. Let us write "thank you" when someone needs appreciation.

How much do you know about the need for appreciation? Can you recognize when someone needs appreciation?

To receive appreciation is a basic human need. As human beings, we all need to be appreciated. According to William James, American psychologist and philosopher, "the deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated."

When the month of March arrived again, I found myself humming and singing the songs of Ireland. My stepmother had shared her love of Irish folk songs by playing them often and loudly on the stereo. I can always remember the words of "I'll Take you Home Kathleen" or "When Irish Eyes are Smiling". And how could I ever forget those "endearing young charms", the "cockles and mussels" and "the rose of Tralee"? It all makes me feel so "alive-alive-oh"..

I have not associated with my stepmother for well over thirty years. Anger, bitterness, hurt and stubbornness have kept us worlds apart. She suffered a stroke this year, shortly after I had suffered mine. She has been in my thoughts often.

As I was singing along with my Irish CDs the other day, I began choking on the words. "Did your mother come from Ireland? 'cause there's something in you Irish and that bit of Irish steals my heart away."

I purchased a note card and in my childish scrawl, I wrote a thank you note to my stepmother. I thanked her for nurturing a love for Irish music that had carried me through the years. I thanked her for the excitement and joy that has been mine in every month of March throughout my life. I told her that she was in my prayers for a continued recovery.

I addressed the envelope and placed a fancy Louis Comfort Tiffany postage stamp in the corner. I clipped it to mailbox. The postman took it with him the next morning.

Will you join the revolution?

Arm yourself with appreciation.

Write a thank you note to someone in need.