A Single Mother's Love in Hindsight

June 9^th 1990 my father passed away from Melanoma skin cancer. Those who survived him included his loving wife and my mother, Lesa Borntraeger, and me and my sister. Over four hundred people attended my father's funeral and friends and family poured in support for the man who was everyone's best friend. His High School placed him in the hall of fame and still today his friends remember his spirit, generosity, and intelligence. No doubt my father was a great man, but this is not about him. This is about my mother and all the other mothers out there who do what she has done, in order to provide for children when a father figure is lacking.

This article is not a how to, or a review, this will not explain much. I just want to say thanks. Thanks to all of the mothers out there.

The month of June holds a tremendous amount of memories for my mother. I did not know how severe the month was until this year. I knew my father's birthday was on the 17^th but other than that I had no idea. As it turns out. My father Died on the 9^th of June, my Parents met in mid June and were married the 26^th of June, a year later. Not to mention father's day being in June as well.

During this last June I had the time and opportunity to reflect on the way my father and mother lived their lives. They had essentially the American dream; no it was actually better than that. They had a life that any family anywhere would have wanted. Two young children, steady income, good friends, strong family ties, and an overwhelmingly passionate marriage. Then In 1989 my father became ill with melanoma. The dream world came crashing down, and less than a year later we put my father into the earth while his soul went out to all of us.

At the age of four, I do not know how I understood, but I did. I had always wondered how you explained death to a child, but my mother did and did so well. It was not easy but over the next few years my mother fought to keep us in the dream world. I know she was lonely, I know she desperately needed him back, wanted him back. But he was not coming back, and she never allowed that to affect the way my sister or I lived and were raised.

I often say that I was raised completely by women and so I understand them better than a lot of men. What I lack to acknowledge is that I was raised by one woman who taught me the best of both worlds. When other boys got into fights and settled things with violence, I was taught to communicate my frustrations and disagreements. This often led to me being mocked by my peers; can you imagine a 10 year old red headed boy trying to justify his various positions through words alone? Well I did and as a result it was not always easy. But here I am, I am 22 years old and I can honestly say that I have never started a fight. I work at an anti-violence shelter which deals with rape and sexual assault, and I am trying to sell my rifle because I do not feel comfortable keeping a gun in the house. Not because I do not know how to use it, the boy scouts of America taught me that aspect very well, but more so because I do not ever want to use it.

So here I am, a boy raised without any strong male influence and yet I seem to have survived the rigors of a hetero-normative society without a problem.

A few years ago I found my spirituality, and while I had always been brought to church by my mother, I had never accepted what was being to me. I had to find it for myself and trust my own beliefs, not those being spat from a pulpit. Initially this led me to question my upbringing and to ask "why did we not read scripture more?" or similar questions. I never realized how hard it was for my mother to accept my father's death, and how God and her spent the last decade sorting through the grieving process. I am so glad that she was able to retain her faith, and give me the opportunities to develop mine.

All in all it is hard to tell you about the things my mother did that were so great, because they make me sound like something great. But in reality, she took a situation which no one should have to be in, and raised two children better than most two parent households do. Her insistence upon communication, loyalty, love, and undying hope, is what has created the man I am today, and what will inspire the man I become tomorrow.

I wish I could say to all of the mothers in the world that I know what they are going through and I know that it is not easy and I appreciate them, but I do not know. I do not know what they are going through and I'll never even know what my mother is or has been going through. All that I know is that 18 years ago the flag fell in my family and my mother was the only one to pick it up and march on. So to all of you mothers out there, Thank you.