A Single Parent's Guide to Reducing Stress on the Fourth of July

Fourth of July! A day of fireworks, barbeques and getting together with loved ones to celebrate our nation's birthday. It can also be fraught with traffic jams as you commute to your favorite display site, burnt offerings that even a Greek god wouldn't touch and squabbles with family and friends as the relaxed atmosphere gives way to revealing secret hurts or other grudges. As a single parent, I know that there is fodder for potential disaster around every corner, but here are a few tips for how I handle the stress that can come from such a big holiday.

Enjoy local fireworks. A year ago I moved to Vernonia, a sweet small town nestled in the Northwest coastal hills of Oregon. Every year they have their very own fireworks display launched from the fields behind the schools. My home is a mere two blocks away so we can simply set up a few chairs in the front yard and enjoy the show. If you don't have such an arrangement handy in your neighborhood, there's still nothing wrong with enjoying a fireworks show on television. I've done this on previous years and it was wonderful to be able to stay put and comfy, sometimes wrapped in a blanket and ready to fall asleep at a moment's notice instead of fighting my way through fellow gawkers as we all tried to drive home past midnight. I like my sleep and being so close to bed is a fabulous way to end the night.

Or you can hold your own small display in your front drive or at a local park, as long as you keep within fire marshal and other legal limits. My children and I usually pick up a few handfuls of finger poppers(perfect for young tots), bloom flowers, fountains and other little flashers to light off before the main event. Each child is reminded of fire safety(they are in their teens and twenties now, but the speech is still given every year) before anyone touches a pung stick or lighter and we take turns setting off our favorites. A constant dialogue runs so that we are all aware of each other and where items are being placed. Also make sure to keep a big bucket of water and a pair or two of long-handled tongs handy. Once the sparks are expended, my family waits for at least fifteen minutes or so for all items to cool off and then we grab them with the tongs to dunk each one into the bucket. After our private show is done, it's time to watch the professional event.

We add a couple of folding trays loaded with chips, popcorn, sodas and various other munchies next to our seats for all the makings of a decent party. I always do my best to keep the fare simple by purchasing pre-cooked chicken or ribs at the local grocery along with bagged chips and maybe some fruit juice to offset the sugar content of the sodas. I used to buy a bag of salad mix, but got tired of tossing half of it out when my kids refused to touch anything green. And while I can roast over an open flame with the best of them, cooking the food myself is just too much work for a single mom, especially with all the other arrangements to be made, so stocking up from the store works out just fine. Allowing someone else to do the cooking frees me up for the fun stuff, like lighting my own set of bloom flowers and fountains.

I don't have a lot of advice for how to reduce the stress of dealing with those who are close to you as you spend the day together in what may be closer proximity than normal. Even for joyful occasions, this extra-closeness can cause conflicts. Expectations can run high on special days and the Fourth of July is no exception. Relaxing together can often mean shields drop and ugly truths are revealed right when you are least prepared or willing to handle them. Best defense is a good offense - have any pending important talks a day or two before the big event so you can clear the air before any resentment or other issue festers further.

If someone does have some sort of meltdown, do your best not to escalate the matter. Take a time out, even the adults. Each person involved needs to walk away from the conflict as soon as possible and find a separate, quieter place to calm down. Go for a walk. Just take your upset elsewhere and file it away for future reference if needed. Once calmed down, apologize for any outbursts and arrange to discuss whatever issue has arisen at a later time. Tonight is supposed to be fun for everyone, including you, so do what you can to allow yourself to enjoy it.

And there you have it. A single parent's survival guide for this bursting holiday. Enjoy!