A Slow Grief

I call my mom in the morning and she is eating her breakfast and she asks me what time I go to work. This is our morning ritual every day . If I don't call her by nine am she is calling my cell phone and then my work until she gets me. She sounds so normal in the morning. She tells me about her breakfast , that she had her shower, that she needs to make her bed and clean her room. By this time she is confused she does not make her bed and clean her room , that is now done for her.

By noon she is either going to the dining room for lunch to sit with other people whom she tells me do not speak anyway. Some days she just eats in her room.

I call her in the afternoon just to check on her and she seems ok. By 3:00pm she is calling me somedays every 15 min. she no longer has the concept of time. Some days she just picks one thing and obscesses on it. One day she insisted that she had a job in a garage. That lasted a whole day. On Thanksgiving she blamed us for spiking her iced tea and made her pass out. She is worried about money and paying her bills. No matter how often we tell her she no longer has any bills that does not work.

Now my mother was one of those great ladies who raised 6 children alone. Paid all the bills and took care of all of us alone. She was very independent and very proud . For her to rely on a nursing home to do everything for her is heartbreaking. I do her laundry for her because she was always fussy about her clothes.

I might add that she is on her 3rd roommate. When they say there is role reversal they truely mean it. I have received calls that my mom and roommate were fighting and had to be seperated. This roommate seems to be working, although my mom calls her the princess, she says that the girls treat her special. I have no luck trying to convince her otherwise. She also has an aide that somedays she thinks is a man ,that is another one that I can't explain.

I miss my mom so much and I think that this is a very slow grieving process. When someone dies and it is quick and we grieve and then we try to move on . We continue to think about that person and remember the good times. With dementia we slowly watch our loved ones leave us. That truely scares me to death and I shed tears every day. I just want that normal conversation back , I want her to understand what I am telling her and to remember it. I want her to comprehend the time again .

Just know this! Make sure that your family knows you love them no matter what. Give hugs freely , no strings attached. Never take anything for granted life can change in a second . Live each day like it may be your last with no regrets.