A Solitary Woman

I grew up in a crowded house;
Two sisters who were older;
Two brothers who were younger;
In an atmosphere of chaos;
Alcoholism, depression, and poverty;
I would slip off by myself whenever I could;
Away from the fights;
Away from the noise;
Retreating into a world of my own;
A place where I could be unafraid;
Escaping manipulation and ridicule;
Where I could be myself;
A long walk beside a creek;
Sitting beneath a weeping willow;
Strolling through Mrs. Berry's Garden;
Or I would spend hours playing records;
Singing, writing, and dreaming;
I am a grown woman now;
Ten years ago, I became independent;
For the very first time in my life;
I finally have a sense of control;
Or at least I think that I do;
I don't have to tell anyone where I am going;
Nor do I have to say how long I will be gone;
Or when I will be coming back;
I have a freedom that I never had before;
I don't want to let it go;
And I desperately hold onto it;
I still long for peace and quiet;
I still try to escape, and I still dream;
I don't want to live with anyone anymore;
I am not lonely...just different;
I do have family and friends whom I love very much;
But they must understand;
That there are times when I need silence;
And I need the feeling of space;
Even if that space only consists of just three rooms;
Recharging my mind, my heart, and my soul;
After life has drained out all of my energy;
And has sapped out all of my hopes and dreams;
I can't wait to return here to the only place;
In which I have the freedom to be who and what I really am;
Where I am surrounded by my favorite things;
The only way that I can handle the world;
Is by leaving it for awhile;
Sometimes for two or three days at a time;
I shut the door quietly behind me;
And I shut off the telephone;
I am a solitary woman;
And I will always be this way;
There are times that I wish that I could stay here;
Especially when life is too painful to bear;
At least then, I would be safe.