A Southerner's Guide to Surviving Winter in the North

Winter in Wisconsin is something else entirely from winter in Louisiana. In the South, we wear flip flops all year long and light the fireplace when the temperature hits 65. You can wear short sleeves on Christmas and walk barefoot outside in February.

I was totally unprepared for my first winter in the "far north." My "winter coat" was what everyone else used as a fall coat, and I was dumbfounded when I walked to my car after work one day and found snow halfway up my tires. So I decided to do something. I decided to write a guide to help you, the transplanted Southerners, survive your first true northern winter.

Clothing

The first thing you need to get is a down coat. These are not attractive, but when the high temperature of the day is -5, you don't really care. Make sure the outside is waterproof, because wearing a wet down coat is like wearing a lead vest. Snow boots are nice too. They grip the ice better and keep the hem of your pants out of the sludge that collects near melted snow.

Also, you need a good winter hat. Yes, the down coat has a lovely fur trimmed hood, but it does nothing in the seriously cold weather. Preferably, you want one that covers your ears. And gloves. None of those ridiculous knit ones. My hands laughed at me when I put those on. You want a nice thick leather or quilted glove. And while we're at it, make it mittens instead of gloves. Your fingers keep each other warm. Lastly, you need a scarf. Not to keep your neck warm. Your hat and the fur hood do that. The scarf covers your nose, lest you have to deal with the moisture in your nose freezing or (Heaven forbid) a nosebleed from the dry air.

Your Home

I can't tell you too much about your home because I rent and don't have much to do with the upkeep. (On a related note: be sure to rent somewhere where the heating is included. This saves you BIG BUCKS!) But I can tell you this. An engineer once told me that a home cooling system can't cool beyond a 20 degree differential from the outside temperature. However, a water cooling system can get much cooler. Most public buildings use these for that reason. (Ever notice how much cooler it is in the movies or the mall?) Well, up north, a lot of buildings use a water heating system. It's cheaper than gas or electricity to heat, and the temperature stays consistent. I usually only hear my heater kick on once every couple of hours compared to my electric central heating back home, which would come on once or twice an hour.

Clearing ice from walks is difficult. For one thing, ice doesn't freeze on top of concrete-it freezes to the concrete. My experience is that it's much easier to prevent ice from forming in the first place. Use a chemical deicer and salt to prevent walks from freezing in the first place.

Automobile

Southerners have a lot of misconceptions about car care in the north. I don't know where it comes from. TV? Movies?

The first thing I learned about my car is that gas can freeze. I know it seems blatantly obvious, but where I grew up, the temperature never got anywhere near the temperature gas freezes at. But it does, so don't let your tank get below a quarter. If your gas does freeze, dump some Liquid Heat in the tank. I don't know what it is, but it costs about a dollar and a half, and I like to dump some in before I travel and leave my car parked for a week in the winter.

You know how when your go to buy some windshield wiper fluid in the South, and you just grab the big jug with the blue liquid and it doesn't matter what kind it is because it's all blue and it's all the same? Well, it turns out that there are other colors and they're not the same. You're going to want to go with the pink. Pink works at -20 to 0 degrees. Now, this will freeze when it hits your windshield. This is because it's such a thin layer being sprayed. However, it melts easier because it has a lower freezing point. Just be sure to have your defroster on blast when you clean your windshield. And while we're talking about windshields, make sure you get some winter wiper blades. These are built to keep the ice from weighing the blade down, and they have a sort of Squeegee action that helps clear the moisture off of the windshield.

I always heard that if you didn't wash the salt off of your car, it was rust, and the detrimental effect was immediate. Not true. It's okay to not wash your car after every snow storm. Everyone else's car will look a hot mess too. Do give it a rinse, though, if the temperature gets close to the freezing mark. And when you stop to get gas, use the windshield cleaner to clean off your windows, lights, mirrors, and any area you might brush against getting into the car.

You don't need snow tire chains. Or snow tires. Your typical all weather tire will be good enough. Just make sure they're in good condition. And before the winter season hits, get an oil change. The thicker oil used down South is too thick-thinner oils hold up better in extreme cold temps.

Lastly, keep the following things in your car: a shovel (they make these collapsible ones that fit in your trunk), a combination ice scraper/snow brush, a thick blanket, spray deicer, and a bag of kitty litter or sand. In your pocket or purse, you should carry a small can of deicer. These often have attachments that can fit right inside your keyhole in case your car door (or home door, for that matter) freezes. Don't even think about buying these after they announce the first winter storm, because they'll be long gone by this point. Buy these in October. Oh yeah! Use that deicer on the inside of your windows. The fog from your breath? It freezes on the inside of your car! Which brings me to my next point...

Everything Freezes

That pretty much sums it up. Everything freezes. Your damp hair can freeze. What's worse, it can freeze solid and break if bumped. Don't go outside with wet hair. And be sure to bring in food. I forgot a bag of potatoes in my trunk overnight. They froze, and when I brought them inside, they melted and became an inedible mush. Bye bye potatoes. And on very cold days...? The exhaust from a car idling at a red light can freeze and create black ice, which is nearly impossible to see.

Your Health

Many of the southern states are far more humid than the northern states. That first winter is going to be a doozie. Use a humidifier in your house to keep the air moist. Use thicker, richer lotions, shampoos, and conditioners, and keep plenty of eye drops around to keep your eyes moist.

Occasionally, the weather service issues a wind chill advisory. You've probably never seen one of these before. When this happens, it means that wind chill is low enough to cause hypothermia and frost bite if not properly covered. A good rule of thumb to follow is that uncovered skin can be exposed for approximately 15 minutes before either of these occurs.

Well, now you have the basics. Bundle up with some hot chocolate, and stay warm!