A Spinster by Choice: Single Lifestyle is Appealing More to Women

The popular TV show Sex and the City highlights the lives of four successful, independent women living in New York City and their relationships with the opposite sex. Each woman represents a different view on marriage, however overall the prognosis is grim. Charlotte's dream is to marry, but she never seems to find the right guy. Carrie and Miranda have involved themselves in a string of unsuccessful relationships. And Samantha, has no plans to settle down and prefers a life of promiscuity. These are the four women that 20 something women model and look to for advice in today's society. This leaves women of marrying age in one of two states; afraid they will never find a suitable husband, or never wanting to marry at all.

According to a poll done by Time Magazine, 18 percent of single women believe that they will never find their perfect mate ("Single by Choice"). That is a startling fact considering marriage is one of the oldest societal institutions. It seems that today less women believe they will marry, let alone do they believe it will last, or even be the right person. But what has caused this obvious switch to a modern woman who no longer desires marriage? And why would women choose to be single when it traditionally thought to be very advantageous? Both the reasons women stay single and the benefits of this arrangement will be explored in this essay.

The main cause of this switch to the single female lifestyle seems to be the rapid increase of women's independence throughout the past century. Since women were given the right to vote, America has seen a speedy increase in the autonomy of women. Women have began careers and gained education. The careers they have chosen have been increasingly more "masculine". Women have begun to express their sexuality, creativity, and opinions in public arenas. They have made the decision to have children on their own, or not have children at all. This gain in independence encompasses many things which have all contributed to the modern woman's decision to stay single, however none has had as much impact as education and reproductive freedom.

Women who are choosing to remain single in today's society seem to be able to make this choice because of increased access to education. In fact, one study found that blue-collar women were more concerned with obtaining a college education, becoming and entrepreneur, or owning a home than with marriage ("Single by Choice"). Armed with a good education, women are able to be competitive in the job market and obtain higher salaries. When women are financially secure they place marriage lower on their list of lifetime goals and therefore have less of a desire to pursue marriage when faced with other, comparable goals (Gordon).

Despite the low ranking of marriage on the single woman list of goals, women realize the absence of a second income does not mean that they can not reach other life goals such as owning a home. "Lenders don't presume single women can't make the mortgage anymore," says economist for National Association of Realtors, Mark Calabria. In fact, 60% of single women now own houses; a number which is increase far faster than the rate at which single men are buying homes ("Single by Choice").

Another way in which women have gained independence from the institution of marriage is in their reproductive freedom. Both the choice to initiate, or terminate, a pregnancy without the involvement of men has allowed women freedom to have children when it is right for them; regardless of marital status. Abortion has made it possible for women to terminate a pregnancy and go on to gain a better education or career. This in turn leaves women with more options than simply marrying the father of their child.

Moreover, women now realize they can have children regardless of whether they find the right mate. According to a TIME/CNN poll, 61 percent of single women between the ages of 18 and 49 said that they would contemplate raising a child on their own. The same poll also asked what women would miss about being married and only 4% said they would miss out on having children. Also, the birthrate among 30 to 39 year olds has increased by 15% since 1990. These statistics show that with the help of sperm donors and adoption agencies, the modern single woman can reach her goal of motherhood before, or without, reaching her now low-priority goal of marriage ("Single by Choice").

In addition to the fact that marriage is no longer a sought after commodity among today's single women, we also find that there are actually benefits to the single life. One study found that single women were "better educated, healthier, less lonely, and had a more positive outlook on life." This may come as a surprise to a public which has long held the image of the "Spinster" as the mascot for the single woman. However, today's single women is happy throughout their lifetime. Those whom society may have labeled as "Spinsters" a decade ago are now, according to one study, less likely to stay in bed for long periods of time, more likely to escape poverty, and more likely to live with relatives in their old age than divorced women (Gordon).

Another benefit of this new single lifestyle is it prevents women from settling. When single women were asked by the previously mentioned TIME poll whether they would marry someone else if they didn't meet Mr. Right, 66 percent said they would not. In contrast, only 59 percent of single men said they would not marry unless they found the perfect person. A spokesperson for the National Marriage Project said, "Marriage has become this spiritualized thing, with labels like 'best friend' and 'soul mate'," ("Single by Choice").

For many single women across the United States Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha from Sex and the City act as role models. It is not that they are not looking for love; they just do not let it rule their lives. They are smart, independent women who are making their own way in this world and if they happen to meet Mr. Right along the way, then so be it. Singe women today realize that they can still have a full life without a husband. And most importantly they realize you can be happy without marriage.

Works Cited

Gordon, Phyllis A. "The decision to remain single: implications for women across

cultures." Journal of Mental Health Counseling 25.1 (2003): 33-45.

"Single by Choice." Time 28 August 2000: 46+.