A Spiritual Approach to Spicing Up the Sex Life

Do you have a sexless relationship or are bored with your sex life? If you answered, "yes" then you may want to consider taking a spiritual approach to spicing up your sex life. To help understand why many couples are lacking excitement in their sex life and how a spiritual approach can spice up your sex life, I have interviewed Certified Life Coach Marcel Schwantes, M.A, CLC.

Tell me a little bit about yourself.
"I am a Life Design Coach and Relationship Strategist, and also speak and write on thriving in life, work and marriage. Being that the foundation for my coaching sessions are spiritual in nature, clients work toward discovering and fulfilling their God-given potential. That's very rewarding and gets me up in the morning! My specialty is coaching men of all ages seeking to elevate their standards as leaders, professionals, husbands and fathers. As far as credentials, I am a graduate of the Institute for Life Coach Training'"a world-renowned, best practices training program accredited by the International Coach Federation. I'm also a Certified PeopleMap System Trainer, and work with couples and organizations in the areas of communication improvement. My Masters Degree is in Organizational Psychology and I also use a lot of proven coaching approaches including emotional intelligence, lateral thinking, reframing, positive psychology, boundaries, servant leadership, vision casting, and 5 Whys."

Why is it that for many couples after they have been together for a good while the sex life is not as spicy?
"Many couples enter marriage believing that they will enjoy sex at the same level, physically and emotionally as men and women. The reality is this: sex is to a man what affection is to a woman'"their #1 need. One empowers the meeting of the other. And both sides often fail to see what the other needs over the course of many years of marriage. Often this translates to an average, or even absent sex life.

According to research, on an average day, women think about sex about once a day, and guys think about sex about 33 times a day! Seriously, that's what research says. And that's how different we are as men and women.

So husbands (if I may pick on you since I work with men most of the time) need to start with the perspective that your wife and you are not at the same place sexually. Your wife is quite different than you during the different stages of sex (arousal to orgasm). Don't assume your wife is similar in those stages of sex as you are when you both engage each other during the act. My advice? Initiate conversation about your sexual needs with each other outside the bedroom. Keep growing in your sexual understanding and insight. There are great books on sex that are available. It will help you, as it has helped me."

Many people are coming to use a spiritual approach to spicing up their sex life and why is that?
"Because they are realizing that the best sex is not just an act of lust, a re-enactment of a scene from a bad porno movie, or something that only satisfies one or the other. It is two lives in community, sharing a sacred and precious gift they want to treasure with each other, forever. Sex at this level of understanding will grow richer and more satisfying with time, as you experience 'oneness' with each other. Remember those vows you took on the altar? Take those vows right into your bedroom as well."

What are some spiritual approaches to spicing up the sex life?
"The key spiritual principle is counter to what the world teaches; it's surrendering the 'self' for the greater good'"intimacy with each other. There may be some cost involved if you're used to getting what you want. This spiritual process of surrendering starts well before jumping under the satin sheets. The surrender to self-centeredness for both sides moves couples closer to fulfilling each other's needs. Wives have to understand that their husbands need sex to feel close to their wives; husbands have to understand that their wives need daily closeness to feel like having sex with their husbands. It won't happen overnight, but once this balance is properly understood in a spiritual context (refer to Ephesians 5:22-31 in the Bible) and practiced sacrificially as 'one' daily, sex is transformed to new heights.

I often tell my male clients that if their sex life is fading or not doing well, don't blame your wife. Your first move should be to look in the mirror and ask this question, 'Am I giving her what she needs in the marriage?' If you are, and your wife is in a healthy state of mind, you will be getting the sex life you desire.

The last bit of advice is also for men, but equally applicable to women in this day and age: Don't sell out to fantasy. Don't sell out the path to a rich sexual relationship with your spouse by giving in to pornography. When you do that, you trade something sacred and God-designed for a lie, and it will never give you the real thing.

The couples most satisfied with their sex life are not the Hugh Hefner's of the world, or the elite party crowd that has a different partner every weekend. Research tells us that the best sex in America comes out of a home of a married couple who have been faithful and attentive to each other for 10, 15, 25 years or more. Those are the most sexually excited people in America. A celebration of two lives and two souls committed to one another. That is the secret that our world just doesn't get.

The person who has been committed for that long, and they really love each other, they get it. When they come together, there are all kinds of sparks and spices, physically and mystically. This is a union of body and soul. Sex is not just an act. Sex is a celebration of two lives. Believe it."

Thank you Marcel for doing the interview on taking a spiritual approach to spicing up the sex life. For more information on Marcel Schwantes or his Life Design and Relationship Coaching Practice you can check out his website at http://marcelcoaching.com/.

Recommended Readings:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/6138148/sexual_intimacy_for_aging_couples.html?cat=5">Sexual Intimacy for Aging Couples

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5954658/are_you_in_a_sexless_marriage.html?cat=5">Are You in a Sexless Marriage?

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5644514/increasing_your_sexual_activity_in.html?cat=5">Increasing Your Sexual Activity in Marriage