A Statement Against Ex Boyfriend Schemes

There are an amazing amount of websites out there sponsored by "well meaning" men and women that claim to be able to help you get your ex back lickety split in no time at all. There's this one, and this one, and this one. This seems to be a profitable way to make money. There seems to be quite a market out there for this. Now, I am not saying anyone running these sites is bad or has bad intentions. In fact, I am quite sure they see themselves as providing a valuable service that people can benefit from. They are selling almost exactly the same tips and ideas and all for just $39, with a money back guarantee if Mr.or Mrs. Wonderful doesn't come running back in 30 days.

All of them claim to have learned this secret by talking to people, real couples that got back together. They noticed a theme and similar patterns. They claim if other folks follow these same steps, the same result will happen. But, I guarantee you that the real couples they originally discovered weren't trying to follow a rule book of steps to achieve a result. For instance, they suggest you don't chase the ex and instead focus on working through your own issues. Yes, that is a good idea, but you should do that for yourself and not as a way to make someone else do something. Love must be free. The only true measure of love is sacrifice. It means doing what is best for the other person instead of what you want.

Well, let's say John Doe does come back if you write this magical letter saying you "agree with the break up." Then you follow the other steps, and all the sudden, things are blissful again. Do you really want to be in a relationship, knowing that you orchestrated the whole thing with some sort of voodoo magical 10 step plan?

I am sure the tactics can work. But the reason they work is that the person who left still has love left for their left one. This means eventually, they would have come back anyway. If you care about someone, and you can't forget them, eventually you do come back. And it's obvious that you can't make someone love you or come back. So, I say, save your $39 and save your energy.

So here's what I say, how do you get your ex back? You don't. We all know that it hurts to be the one left. But why fixate on this person that has decided they no longer need you in their life? What if they aren't the one? What if you follow the steps, get your ex back, and then discover that they weren't as great as you thought? Maybe they are a good match for you, but it's not the right time. Maybe they need to grow some. By deciding to manipulate the ex to come back, you are playing God and deciding what's right for him/her and yourself. And you are also cutting off anyone else wonderful coming into your life.

The better option is to ride out the storm. If this is the right person for you, no one else will fit them, and they will come back eventually without the magic letter or psychological mind tricks. And then you can decide if they are still what you want. We each only have so much energy in our day to give to things. Relationships should be the icing on our cake. They are work, but they aren't meant to be all-consuming. Spend your energy on helping people, or a hobby, or exercise, or getting your finances together. And direct it at people who do need and appreciate you right now.

Do anything but "try to get your ex back." Without knowing the other person's heart, it could be like trying to fill a sink with no drain plug. My suggestion is read the Baggage Reclaim blog. You might just find you are chasing after something toxic. And like I said, if your ex is all that, he/she will be back. Things happen for a reason, even if you don't understand it.