A New Statement Against Violence

We've got some good, passive initiatives in regard to showing we're against domestic abuse and violence. They're effective at showing the support, especially once a month during October, Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Then, many of us talk about it. We display our cloth ribbons worn on our clothing. We attend rallies. Many attend classes in order to become certified advocates. Most of our activities, however, are quite passive - there's little in the way of direct action and tangible support of what the cause represents. But there is passive awareness; there is limited action.

Some go even farther in their involvement. They donate items for those who inhabit the shelters so that there will be supplies to restart life. They volunteer time to do various types of jobs in the shelter from organizing projects, to running the office. Some even develop projects for the residents so that there is more to look forward to than another day of sitting idly and manufacturing things about which to gossip. Healthy activities are developed to grow skills and interests and help the person (as well as their children) build their selves.

Unfortunately, when the dark dog visits the neighbor's door (or our own), no one wants to speak of it. It's partly because of the embarrassment and shame. Embarrassment at the humiliation the target-victim has suffered in the form of physical injuries and bruises, shattered ego and trust. Trust, here, is the significant word. The target-victim gave misplaced trust to the perpetrator and suffered for the mistake. Therefore, the embarrassment and shame is borne. Additionally, the target-victim feels as though they now wear a badge that says, "Here I am. See my scars and bruises. You can brutalize me in any way you want and I'll do nothing. I'm helpless and feeble."

The embarrassment extends to not being able to find a reasonable place of safety. So the target-victim is forced to stay in their situation until the next cycle of violence occurs. And the cycle could be as long as several months or a short as a few days. It depends on the nature of the perpetrator.

It's surprising how frequently we speak of helping the target-victim yet no one seems to know of a place where they can go to live, even on a short-term basis, to get away from the harm. There are no friends who will step forward to offer a refuge. Part of this is due to fear that the perpetrator will come to their home and include the Samaritan in the next manifestation of damage. And while the injuries suffered by the target-victim may have been a mere sprained or broken limb or joint, the next time may be ratcheted up to knife or gun or worse and include more than just the target-victim.

Wouldn't it be interesting if each time we learned of a place where violence or abuse occurred, an anti-violence shelter or organization (or even the neighbors, family, friends, and associates) went to the address and hung purple ribbons on the fence, the front door, the porch posts, the shrubbery, and anywhere and everywhere on the property in order to:

• let others know that violence or abuse occurred there
• that it's not supported
• others are aware and supportive of the target survivor
• this is an address to be watched for signs of future abuse or violence which can be immediately reported
  

On some counts, this may constitute vandalism in the eyes of the landlord. But if the landlord knows it's happening and is doing nothing about it, the landlord is just as culpable as the perpetrator and won't want to be exposed for their negligence.

Wouldn't it be interesting to make such a strong statement of support. It would validate the target-victim and let them know that there is an invisible support system out there ready and willing to help if needed. While the perpetrator would be riled to further ire, it just might be the statement that (if made in sufficient volume and size) would frighten them by the sheer number of ribbons that indicate how many are aware of what's been happening.

Although it could easily be seen as a conflict of interest, what if off-duty cops also contributed to the purple ribbon shrine at the site of a recent incident. It would show the police department's willingness to protect the public good and defend those who are not as strong as their aggressors. But if churches and library personnel, fire department and rescue workers also hung their purple ribbons on the address, these emergency workers would have awareness of where resources are needed. Those resources could be stealthily provided to the one in need of them and kept in a discrete place where discovery is least likely.

If you're in the neighborhood, I invite you to put a purple ribbon anywhere at the address where you are aware some abuse or violence has occurred. It could even be at a school, business, or government entity. Today I put a purple ribbon on my shoulder for one person. I'm going to put a Sharpie purple ribbon next to the hole in the front door where her arm went through the wood and caused the cut that required eight stitches to close.

I'm ready to create a new statement against violence and I'm making it. Would you like to have a purple ribbon? You can put it over the mouth of the bully (or a over a picture of them) or on the entrance to their office. Just let them know their tactics are not acceptable. Let others know you've taken an affirmative stand against abuse of any kind.