A Stepmom's Guide to Enjoying Mother's Day

Being a stepmom is a challenging job even on the best of days. You cook nutritious meals, do mounds of dishes, and give lots of hugs. Then, just like "real moms," you're usually taken for granted. Fortunately for moms, there is that special day on the calendar called "Mother's Day" when their hard work is acknowledged. For stepmothers, however, Mother's Day is often a day to feel forgotten and abandoned, as the kids spend Mother's Day treating their Mom like a queen while their stepmom is left out of the fun and pampering.

As a stepmom to six kids, I spent too many Mother's Days longing for cards that didn't come, phone calls that were never made, and flowers that were never sent. One year I decided enough was enough. I was tired of feeling bad every Mother's Day. I wanted to enjoy the holiday, and it finally dawned on me that I was the only person who could make that happen. Since then, Mother's Day has become a special day for me. If you're a stepmom and you want to start enjoying Mother's Day too, here are some suggestions:

#1 - Change your expectations. Don't set yourself up for disappointment by dreaming of receiving a card or a gift from the kids. Maybe it will happen, and if does, that's great, but don't plan on it and then spend the rest of the day crying if it doesn't happen. Decide that you'll have a great day regardless of what the kids do or don't do.

#2 - Put yourself in their shoes. If your stepkids' mom is involved in their lives, she'll naturally be at the center of their thoughts on Mother's Day. In addition, there are often emotional issues children of divorce must deal with. Does "Mom" have hard feelings towards you? If so, the kids likely sense that and won't want to upset her by acknowledging you on Mother's Day. Perhaps they may be harboring resentment towards you themselves. Most likely though, your stepkids are not out to hurt you; they just don't know how much it would mean to you to hear, "Happy Mother's Day!"

#3 - Talk to your husband. Tell your husband how you've felt on past Mother's Days and why you've felt that way. Remind him of all the ways you mother the kids and let him know you'd love to celebrate Mother's Day, even if it's just the two of you. While there is no guarantee your husband will take you to dinner or do anything special for you, at least you'll know you did the adult thing and got your feelings out in the open.

#4 - Take responsibility for your own happiness. Pat yourself on the back for the sacrifices you've made and the things you've done to help your stepkids on the road towards a happy and healthy life. Thinking back on these moments and reminding yourself of the important role you play in their lives is rewarding in itself, but don't stop there! Decide to show appreciation to yourself on this and every Mother's Day to come. If flowers are what make you feel special, order a beautiful bouquet and have it delivered. If your husband doesn't take you out to eat, call a girlfriend (fellow stepmom perhaps?) and enjoy a nice meal at your favorite restaurant. Dress in your favorite outfit, take a day off from doing any work around the house, or soak in a nice bubble bath. It may be Mother's Day, but it can also be "Your Day," a day to celebrate yourself and all you do for your family.

Make a promise to yourself that you will not spend one more Mother's Day sulking or crying because you were forgotten. Start making Mother's Day the day you show appreciation to yourself, and you'll find yourself enjoying Mother's Day more than you ever thought possible.