A Story of Domestic Abuse: Things to Look for & Avoid

There are some established physical characteristics set in place, that would assist in the identification of an abuser. There are several back grounds and characteristics of those who batter to watch for, and it is these that are going to be touched on here.

Many times in spousal abuse, the abuser will use violence as a means of gaining power over his partner. This is referred to as traumatic bonding. This type of power is accomplished by controlling the spouses every move, time restraints, who they are or are not allowed to have contact with and constant personal attacks. This type of abuse is then usually followed by periods of calm and kindness, only to repeat the pattern of abuse once again. This cycle of kindness and abuse creates a bond in which the abused spouse becomes even more attached to their abuser. These cycles, can vary in length and intensity, depending on the relationship.

Psychological entrapment, occurs when the women, eager to make her relationship work, begins to explain incidents of abuse as "accidents." When, "accidents" occur the spouse attempts even harder to maintain the relationship, putting more and more of herself into it. The spouse begins to rationalize that they were at fault and deserved the punishment, conforming to believe that the abuser's logic is their own.

An abuser will generally isolate their spouse from family or friends, to ensure that they have dominance in their spouses life. This social isolation, prevents the spouse from knowing any other values or support systems outside of her home.

Power imbalance becomes an issue when one spouse feels threatened by the other spouses accomplishments or achievements. When this occurs, the abuser re-claims his power over the spouse by creating economic stresses. They may object to the spouse working outside of the home, insist on total control over the financial aspects of the home, or only giving enough money to the spouse in increments that they decide is sufficient. Without the financial ability to leave a relationship, the abuser regains their control.

*If you, or someone you know is suspected of being in an abusive relationship, please get them to the nearest womens shelter as soon as possible. Do not allow them to stay in this dangerous situation one more day. Please note that additional assistance by trained professionals, such as Social Workers, Law Enforcement Officers, Counselors, etc. is necessary in the assistance of escaping the abuser and the healing process there after. Please call these individuals immediately upon the decision to flee the abuser.