A Summer at the Movies

Ah, the theater. Not in the traditional sense, but the movie theater. Everybody has good memories of going to the movies. The problem today is that memories are just that, memories. I used to go to the movies at least once a month, usually more. Now, I go once a year, maybe twice. There are many things that suck about today's movie experience. The only thing that can make it worthwhile is the movie itself. A good movie makes us forget how sticky the floors were, how lame the previews were. The trouble is, in this day of endless sequels and remakes, the movies just aren't that good.

Due to a high amount of movies I wanted to see this summer, I went to a grand total of eight movies this summer. Therefore, I think I am qualified to give insider's glance at what is wrong with the experience as a whole. So pop some popcorn, cause I am going to break down the highs and lows of the movies for nine dollars less than it would cost you to experience them firsthand.

Getting Your Ticket

The very act of paying for your tickets nowadays defies logic. Not to sound ancient, but I remember when matinees were four bucks, normal movies were five or six. You're lucky if you pay under $10 today. If you think about it, movie prices should be the same, if not cheaper than they were before. When I was younger you would maybe get fifteen minutes of previews. Usually about three movies would be advertised, then the movie would start about 10-15 minutes after the time that was in the newspaper. Now they have a running loop of previews that starts half an hour before show time, they have television style commercials between previews, and they have twice as many previews. Since they are raking in all this extra ad money, you think that they would pass the savings on to the consumer. Nope.

Instead they have made it so that I sit down long and hard and think if I want to spend ten dollars for less than two hours of entertainment. Hell, I can play poker all night for five bucks, and I guarantee I'd laugh just as much, and the possibility is always there that I MAKE money. With the movies, I lose my hard earned dough no matter what, so it better be damn well worth it. I didn't see Blades of Glory in the theater, even though it has two of the funniest people in the country in it, plus Pam from The Office, because I didn't know it would be worth my money. But I digress. This summer happened to feature eight movies that I wanted to see, no matter what. So now I've paid my nine bucks, and I'm off to the theater.

The Audience

Getting to the movie early enough, so that the lights are at a high level when you walk in, is a bit unsettling. It gives you a look at the people with whom you are going to experience the movie with. When I saw The Simpsons Movie, I was taken quite aback. These are the people that share my sense of humor? Am I one of them? Superbad was even worse. Fully half of the audience looked like they were high school students celebrating their first R-Rated movie. The rest were douchebag guys who had on shirts like "I heart MILFs". Why am I putting myself in the position where these people surround me? These are the same kind of guys who buy AXE body spray because they see the commercials and think "I AM a dirty boy. I should get this shower gel." I can't begin to tell you how much I hate those commercials, and in fact, it will be featured in an upcoming article from yours truly.

Previews

I hate to date this column, but here are a list of previews that I have seen multiple times this summer.

Fred Claus- The producer of this movie must have footage of Vince Vaughn, Paul Giamatti and Kevin Spacey committing a murder. That is the only explanation as to why this black hole of an idea has so many great actors involved.

The Gameplan- You couldn't make a more hackneyed movie if you tried. It's even complete with the obligatory introduction of the main character, followed the the sound of a scratching record, followed by the obligatory R&B song, in this case 'Papa's Got a Brand New Bag" by James Brown.

Daddy Day Camp- Note to Cuba Gooding Jr's agent: Teach your client the phrase, "No thanks, this isn't the script for me."

Alvin and the Chipmunks- I could have gone my whole life without hearing an animated squirrel say the word 'dude'.

Now, I know that there are bound to be crappy movies. What boggle my mind is why a studio spends all this money promoting a pice of crap like The Gameplan, when a movie like The Brothers Solomon, starring a very funny Will Forte, and an even funnier Will Arnett gets no promotion, and I would not have heard if it if I hadn't glanced at Will Arnett's IMDB page recently.

The Movie(s)

I went to the movies a personal record nine times this summer. Why did I shell out an average of eight bucks a pop (some were in Maine, therefore cheaper) you ask? Simple. There were eight movies that I just had to see. They are: Knocked Up, Live Free or Die Hard, Ocean's Thirteen, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Transformers, The Simpsons Movie (twice), Superbad, and The Bourne Ultimatum.

Now, take a step back and look at those movies. Out of the eight, six are from previously existing franchises, they were either sequels or from a TV show. That's pretty interesting isn't it? The two remaining are Knocked Up and Superbad, which arguably are also part of a franchise, the Seth Rogen/Judd Apatow franchise (which, incidentally, is becoming an awesome franchise with the aforementioned two movies and The 40 Year Old Virgin).

This gets me to what I believe the biggest problem is with movies today: a glaring lack of originality. Eight out of every ten movies is a remake of an old show or movie or a sequel. Not that there is necessarily anything wrong with that, but there is. I loved The Simpsons Movie, as well as the others I saw, but it is a shame that original movies just aren't getting out there. Studios would rather spend their advertising bucks on the newest fish-out-of-water or a racial mismatch story than finding movies that offer something different. Its getting really old.

When advertising is increased, ticket prices are increased, and the average quality of a 'blockbuster' has gone way down, is it any wonder than movie pirating is so popular. Studios can put out as many PSAs showing how pirating hurts the set painters and other blue collar workers, but the bottom line is, in this new digital world we live in, the studios need to start giving the consumer more for their money. For instance, I really want to see Shoot 'Em Up, but I don't know if I want to spend ten dollars and sit through a half hour of commercials to see it, especially not when I can download a good copy for the price of two hours of my time. Studios need to get with reality here and take a long, hard look at how their industry operates, and make some changes. Of course they probably won't, and I'm sure the new Rock movie will pull in $35 mil just because of the advertising. But hey, that's ten more of my dollars they aren't going to get.