A Time for Miracles

Claire studied the ragged edge of the nail on her ring finger. Her wedding band glinted brightly on her left hand. Tears welled up in her large brown eyes and trickled down her cheeks for the second time that day. Her head ached from crying , but she just couldn't seem to stop the water-works. Her slender finger traced over the picture she held tightly in her hands. The young woman stood silently in the middle of the cozy room, not moving, with a desperate look on her face. She felt deserted and depressed. Her world as she knew it had come to an end the night Greg, her love, soul-mate and husband had succumbed to tenacious brain cancer that had claimed him in just a few desperate months. Christmas Eve loomed and she couldn't imagine how she would face this first special holiday without her best friend.

Greg had known that time had been running out for him and he had worried that she might give up on life completely and cease to remember the happiness and joy that the two of them had shared over these past four years would somehow be forgotten. In the midst of his pain he had loved her enough to try to discuss his own death with her and to prepare her for the life she would face without him.

On one of the few nights that he had been lucid and without much pain, he had held her tightly to him as if by that embrace they could stave off what was to come. Greg had murmured words of strength and encouragement into her ear though she had trouble hearing him because her heart was pounding so loudly within her chest it seemed to be the loudest thing in the room. He had tried to tell her that she must at all costs be brave and hold things together, go on and somehow find happiness in the future without him. Somehow despite his own fear and pain he had thought of her before himself. Greg had always been one of the most courageous people that Claire had ever known and though facing his own certain death, he had remained true to his character and had put her first. Not long after that evening Greg had died.

The weeks had passed with Claire just drifting through the days, barely eating and crying herself to sleep each night. She knew that Greg had wanted her to make the most of her life and he had wanted her to find happiness even though they had to be apart. Greg had loved life and would disapprove of her tears. He would have chucked her under the chin and would have teased her into smiling. Just thinking of him in this way made the corners of her mouth begin to turn upwards.

Dusk was quickly approaching and the chill of the mid-December night was beginning to fill the small house. Claire shivered, pulled the worn flannel shirt up around her thin shoulders and pushed her dark chestnut hair from her forehead. She flipped on the switch of the light that sat on the table that Greg had made while still in school and then continued to gaze out of the frosty window into the neighborhood beyond.

Colorful lights twinkled joyfully in Marge and Harry's window next door, as though to mock her misery. Christmas was only two days away and was not to be denied. Another tear silently began a familiar course down her soft cheek. She wondered if the pain would ever end? She sighed and absently wiped her nose on the sleeve of the old flannel shirt that had belonged to Greg. In some way it made her feel as though she were still wrapped in his arms.

The friends and family that had seen her through Greg's funeral had grieved and made the decision to move on with life. Though Claire knew that Greg had wanted that desperately for her, she struggled without him feeling alone and wondering if anyone could ever know how she was feeling?

Lights were starting to twinkle through-out the neighborhood. The brilliant, cheerful colors of yellow, red, blue and green, illuminated the snow covered houses and yards all down the street. An occasional Christmas tree sparkled cheerfully in an occasional window across the street. Claire blinked and paused not quite sure what she was seeing as she thought she saw a shadowy figure struggling down the snowy sidewalk, through the cold night. Through the window what she saw appeared to be a small child who could not have possibly been old enough to brave the dark, frozen evening alone.

She moved without thought towards the front door of her small house. No! She corrected herself, not her house, but their house. The warm, wonderful home where she and Greg had seen the birth of all their dreams develop and grow. Laughter had filled those rooms with noise and light where now all that remained, seemed to be a dark, cold silence.

Claire now moved swiftly and pulled open the heavy wooden door, stepped out onto the cold dark porch while shivering. The ghost-like, small figure had stopped and stood uncertainly, head down, small shoulders hunched against the increasingly frigid air. The white stars twinkled coldly in the black velvet December sky. The young woman moved silently down the three steps leading to the sidewalk, pulling the worn flannel shirt closely around her thin frame, as though to protect herself against the frigid night air. The apparition that she had spied was a tiny, very young boy,who appeared to be crying. Claire moved slowly so as not to frighten the child.

She spoke softly and bent down on one knee near the boy. She kept her voice soft as she began to questioned the boy gently. The boy wiped his nose across his sleeve and he shuddered. His face was twisted in sorrow. His voice cracked and quivered and he began to release his misery as though a dam had burst. "My Mommy went to live with Jesus and I miss her so much," he hiccuped. Tears continued to course down his tiny face. Claire reached out gently to the young boy and she felt the tears on her own face once again as she pulled the tiny body close.

For a moment it seemed as though the world had stopped turning as the two strangers shared their misery. The little boy suddenly nestled against her body and buried his small blond head against the soft fullness of her breast and he continued, "I thought that maybe if I walked far enough, I could find heaven and find my Mommy," he wailed. "Now it's dark, I'm cold, and I can't find heaven! I'm lost and I want my Daddy"

He rubbed his brown eyes with his small clenched fists and continued to sob. Claire picked the boy up in her arms and buried her face in the downy softness of the small child's curls. She wondered how to such miserable people had found each other on this dark, cold night? She carried the boy gently up the steps and into the warmth of her cozy little house. Claire murmured to the boy, "Darling, don't be afraid, we'll get you warmed up and then we'll see about getting you back to your Daddy". She placed the boy into the worn, soft, brown leather chair that had been Greg's favorite, and then unbuttoned the boy's jacket. "What's your name, Honey"? she questioned, as she tried to smile at him reassuringly. In the midst of comforting the boy her own pain had started to diminish.

"My name is Joshua and I am five years old. His brown eyes rounded into perfect circles as he looked around the cozy little room. His small mouth pursed as his gaze fell upon the wedding picture of Greg and Claire that she kept on the table at the side of Greg's chair. "You are so pretty". He continued, "My Mommy is beautiful just like you." He swiped again at his nose with his sleeve and looked up at her solemnly. "My Daddy told me that Mommy is a beautiful angel and that God must have needed her a lot more than we do". He sighed again as if the weight of the world rested on his shoulders and once more closed his eyes. Leaning back into the warmth of the chair, the boy slept.

Claire stood up and walked toward the kitchen, planning to make the boy a peanut butter sandwich and a cup of hot chocolate complete with marshmallows. The time would come soon enough to find out if the boy knew where he lived or perhaps what his home phone number was. How frantic his poor father must be.

The funny thing about grief, she realized was that when you are in its midst you fail to see that others can be in pain also. All of a sudden she felt as though Greg was near. She had felt that same way, so many times over the years when they had said the same word at the same time or laughed at some unspoken memory that only they had shared. For the first time in a long time she felt a ghost of a smile tug at her lips. Carefully the young woman put together the sandwich and the cup of hot chocolate, carried them into the living room and woke the sleeping child.

Joshua ravenously helped himself to the sandwich and looked up at Claire expectantly. "Since I can't find my Mommy, maybe I should go home. I think my Daddy is probably missing me". the boy stated matter of factly.

Claire smiled, brushed his golden curls from his eyes and said, "Well, Joshua, I'm sure your Daddy is very worried about you. We'll need to let him know that you are here and safe. Do you know your phone number"?

Joshua smiled and replied, "Sure I do, I knowed it since I was just a kid! My Mommy taught me." Claire smiled as she listened to the boy's words.

Claire placed a hasty call and made arrangements for Joshua's frantic father to pick him up within the next hour. During the brief conversation that Claire and Joshua's father shared, Joshua's father informed Claire that his young son had been in deep despair since his wife had passed away only three months ago. The boy seemed unable to comprehend that his mother was gone and wasn't coming back. Claire told him how she had recently lost Greg and had very similar feelings of uncertainty.

After hanging up the phone, Claire walked to where Joshua snuggled cozily down deep into the worn, brown leather chair that had belonged to her beloved husband. How she loved that chair! She knelt beside the small boy and put her arms around him. Pulling him close, she thought for a moment and said, "Sweetie, I know you loved your Mommy very, very much. I bet she loves and misses you every bit as much as you love and miss her. People who love each other like that are never really apart. Your Mommy got sick just like my husband did and they did their best to stay with us, but they just couldn't. Your Mommy and my Greg are watching us even now. They love us every bit as much as they ever did, even though we can't see them. When you need your Mommy or I need Greg we need to remember how much they loved us. We will always love them and they are helping us from Heaven and will always be with us. All we need to do is to just talk to them in our thoughts and then listen for an answer. Just remember that their answer may not come in a voice like you and I are talking with right now. Sometimes things might just happen to make our problems better or our sadness turn into smiles. That's how they will talk with us and help us. That's how you will always be with your mommy for always".

Claire's heart felt much lighter after closing the door on Joshua and his father, Danny. How wonderful it was to see Joshua's worried face brighten up as he looked into his Father's face. Joshua seemed to fly across the floor and into his Father's arms. The boy's father was tall and looked like an older version of his son. The man swung the boy up protectively into his strong arms .

Claire walked the couple to the door where they all agreed to stay in touch. They hugged as they parted and for the first time in months Claire felt the beginnings of hope. She watched as Josh held onto his Father's neck as though he would never again let him go.

Maybe just maybe, there might still be something good ahead for her, Claire thought. Greg never seemed as close to her as he did at that very moment. She felt as though he was smiling at her and sending her his love. She mulled today's happenings over in her mind and as she did so, she glanced at the calendar on the kitchen wall. For a brief moment she felt a tug of anticipation in the excitement of the coming holiday. Christmas was Greg's favorite.

The numbers suddenly came into focus and she acknowledged that time had passed quickly while she had been so caught up in Greg's illness and death. She began to realize that she hadn't noticed that the time for her period had come and gone more than a couple of times. She realized suddenly that she had missed more than three monthly cycles. Maybe that queasiness that she was feeling during the early morning wasn't stress or a virus. Was it possible? She and Greg had been excited about having their own family but it had never seemed to happen. She touched her slightly rounded tummy with the tips of her slender fingers, gently. A smile pulled at the corners of her mouth and she felt a warmth course through her body. Joy began to fill the emptiness in her heart.

Tears welled up and flowed down her cheeks, cleansing and free. This time though they weren't tears of sorrow, loneliness or even pain, but tears of knowing that what she had told little Joshua was true. Love doesn't really end or ever leave. It simply comes to us in ways that sometimes we least expect. Greg had never really left her at all. In fact he had given her a part of himself to love and cherish, part of himself that she could hold, love and watch grow. Christmas this year would be different. The New Year would not to be met with dread as she had expected. Next year would dawn with the promise of a love that would live on, coming in the form of a new life. Love would live on after all.

Claire smiled and for a moment it was as though Greg's arms had wrapped around her. Love doesn't end it sometimes just changes form. Hope filled the deep emptiness of her heart. She also was beginning to suspect that she would be hearing quite a lot from Danny and Joshua. Christmas just may be the perfect time for miracles after all.