A Tortured Lobster Gets a Voice

Its was one of the worse things I have ever seen in my 20 years on Earth. But after I got over the horror of Chef ____'s ugly face, I was getting a full view of what this terrible person was doing. He was ripping a lobster apart...ALIVE! The thing was actually still moving as several of its limbs were being separated from it's body. Even several minutes after being cut off, the tail would curl up each time it was dropped on the cutting board. That's just wrong! And the man committing the act seemed to get joy out of it. However, as for the lobster, I'm guessing that he wasn't too thrilled about the whole situation. But does it really matter? It is just another useless creature inferior to humans therefore we may taunt and torture the thing as it makes it to our plates, right? It is just another animal that (some) humans like to eat, and that is what "justifies" the torture. If the lobster had a voice, this is what it would say...

Evil: Hi there lobster. Do you consider yourself a victim of the human appetite?

Lobster: Absofreakinlutely! And by the way, my name is...

Evil: Giggles?

Lobster: No its...

Evil: Cuddles?

Lobster: Actually my name is...

Evil: Sillypants!

Lobster: No, you idiot. Its Latino Heat!

Evil: No, you can't be "Latino Heat." That name is already taken.

Lobster: But its...

Evil: So Cuddles, did it hurt?

Cuddles: Hmmmm. If I ripped you apart limb from limb, taunted you, and cut off your tail, don't you think it would be painful?

Evil: Yes.

Cuddles: Then why ask, idiot.

Evil: Describe the pain. This is a fascinating story, at least in my opinion.

Cuddles: Your opinion does not matter to the rest of the world. The rest of the world thinks you're a moron. They don't like you. Go away.

Evil: You're just a lobster! You should be glad that someone is giving you a voice. Who else was going to do that?

Cuddles: Did I ask you to give me a voice? I was becoming content with being converted into human food. At least I was made useful for something.
You, however, are are writing about a minor incident that has absolutely no effect on the world today. What have you done lately to yourself useful to the world?

Evil: I'm the human. I ask the questions.

Cuddles: EXACTLY! You can't answer that, can you? You useless piece of sh...

Evil: Whoooooaaa k, stop right there. You can't say that.

Cuddles: Newsflash, moron...I'm not a lobster. I am the voice in your head! You created me. You need help.

Evil: That's not possible. God himself told me that the voice in my head is a raccoon named Sweetcheeks that flys. You're just a lobster named Cuddles, that's dead.

Voice: DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEE!

Evil: Okay!