A Tribute to Dale Gribble - Favorite King of the Hill Character

Weak of chin, bald of pate, and paranoid of mind. How can such a person bring such a substantial amount of entertainment into one's life? If Dale Gribble could be transferred intact from Arlen, Texas and King of the Hill into Springfield and The Simpsons, he might very well be my second favorite character behind Homer Simpson. That he is my favorite character by far on King of the Hill goes without saying. For those unfamiliar with Dale Gribble, let me describe him. He is a self-employed bug exterminator, a conspiracy theorist extraordinaire, surprisingly limber, happily married to a woman who not only cheated on him for over a decade, but who gave birth to that other man's child and lets Dale raise him thinking he is the biological father and all without Dale ever figuring it out. He can be cruel to his friends, quick to betray anyone around him, and shockingly perceptive. In short, he is someone who most of us would not put up with for as long as Hank Hill and Boomhower have, yet my favorite episodes almost all position him as a major player.

Dale Gribble is an example of how to create a fictional character that should be hated, but isn't. He engages in a vast amount of behavior that should have a viewer regarding him in much the same way as most regard Peggy Hill. It is very easy to dislike Peggy Hill: she is a know-it-all who isn't nearly as smart as she tells other people she is and on many occasions she has acted no less than petty and hateful toward her own son. I think Peggy Hill is extraordinarily funny, but I don't like her. I think Dale Gribble is even funnier and though I find his political outlook distasteful, I like the guy. He is decent. Peggy Hill is decent deep down, but you have to dig pretty deep. Dale Gribble, despite blaming others, is basically a nice guy.

Even more importantly, he is hysterically funny. Whether he is getting even with jerks who picked on him in school by approaching them in the safe confines of a suit of armor, going into the bee-stinging business with no idea what he's doing, or taking advantage of the opportunities afforded him as a volunteer firefighter, or training a falcon to bring back a vole, he is dependable for more laughs per episode than even his closest competitor, Bobby Hill. Much like Kramer on Seinfeld, Dale Gribble is the kind of guy who will be brutally honest with someone not to hurt their feelings, but simply because he is observant and not held down by an interior censor. Dale Gribble calls it as he sees it and this part of his character is best expressed in what has become my all-time favorite quote from a television show other than The Simpsons or Bosom Buddies. In this particular episode Bill, the fat, sad-sack and lonely member of the gang, has found happiness in an all-male glee club whose members wear matching boxer shorts and flamboyant costumes. Dale Gribble spends most of the episode aching to tell Bill exactly what he looks like; not to humiliate him, but to save him from further humiliating himself. Hank Hill makes Dale hold back, however, because at least Bill is finally happy for once. Once it becomes obvious that Bill is throwing his cushy job as an Army barber away to continue with the non-paying singing gig, Hank finally lets Dale unleash his full fury, resulting in this line that, with only slight modifications, can be used in an infinite number of situations:

"This chorus is the feces that is produced when shame eats too much stupidity!" He then goes on to immediately make another quite quotable quote: "You people make me envy the deaf and the blind!"

In fact, Dale Gribble is almost certainly the most quotable TV character outside of Springfield. Consider these pearls of insanity mixed with a pinch of wisdom:

"Give me liberty or give me death! But only the kind of liberty you find in a controlled, well-regulated society."

"I'll tell you why your license is taking so long: the U.S. Postal Service is bogged down in the most elaborate sci-ops campaign in history. First they fatten us up with all those 2-for-1 pizza coupons, then when we're too logy to put up a fight, they sell us off to the Red Cross, who removes our kidneys, which go back on the pizzas to start the process all over again."

"Guns don't kill people. The government does!"

"I loved my dad like a father. And he betrayed me - like a betrayer."

"You were on my list of trustables, and it's a very short list. I wasn't even on it."

"No problems, Hank. I've played out this scenario a thousand times in my mind. In most of them, I have won."

"Dang it, now I've got compost fever, too."

"Oh God, we've awakened a sleeping, pooping giant."

How can you not like a character like Dale Gribble? If you haven't yet seen him in action, I highly recommend the firefighting episode and the bee-keeping episode to start your odyssey toward making Dale Gribble one of your favorite TV characters of all time.