A Trip to the Outhouse

We are up to camp again. My parents, aunts, uncles and even our grandparents are up late playing cards and being loud. Nana and Pa have a camp just down the little dirt road. You would think that we would be able to feel safe with all of these adults around. You would be wrong.

They are all out at the big table drinking and playing cards. I can smell the smoke from the wood stove, as I walk out of the bedroom. "What are you doing up?" Dad asks when he notices me.

" I have to go pee," I say nervously, knowing what is coming next.

" Well, hurry up and then get back into bed." He takes his turn at poker.

I walk around the big table toward the door on the other side. The oil lamps are lit and hanging from the rafter, but I don't have a light to bring out with me. The moon will light my way.

I don't want to walk out there by myself, but I have to. They never want to come out with us at night, because they are too busy playing cards and being loud. But I have to go so bad.

I walk out the first door and close it behind me. I can see the huge field through the windows that line the enclosed porch of the camp. The field seems even bigger in the dark, and it is spread out in front of the camp and off to the right. I can see the apples trees off to the left, and all of the cars in front. I walk the few steps to the outside door, and I can see the outhouse and the trees to either side. It is over to the left, near the orchard. I start to get that sinking feeling in my stomach again, and my heart begins to race. I know the feeling well.

I walk out the door and onto the top step, and I brace myself. Next I start walking slowly to the outhouse. Is it out here? I know it is. I can feel it. Is it going to jump out at me? I am so scared. I just know that it is going to get me one of these times. It seems like such a long walk to get there, but it isn't. Not really.

As I am getting closer to the outhouse, I become more and more scared. My heart feels like it will jump right out of my throat, but I just can't seem to go any faster. I am just too frightened. I start thinking that it is really going to get me this time. That something bad is gonna to happen. That no one will hear me scream because they are all being so loud back inside the camp.

When I finally get to the outhouse, I look into the darkness for shadows or it. I see nothing so I slam the door behind me, put the lock in the eye and so that I am safe. What a relief. I let out a long sigh, pull my pants down, and sit to do my business.

It seems so strange to feel safe in an outhouse. It so dark in here. The door is locked, and I am okay. I am so relieved that I made it from the camp to here. It didn't jump out and grab me, not yet.

I listen to the sounds of the chipmunks and the crickets. I can also hear the tree frogs and it all sounds very normal and relaxing. I hadn't heard those things at all on my way to the outhouse.

I wipe myself and pull up my pants. I do this slowly, because I am beginning to get scared again. Is it waiting to get me now that I have to leave the safety of the outhouse ? I am sure that it is, and I am again frightened. My heart rate is speeding up, and I swallow hard before unlocking the door.

I swing the door open as hard as I can and run back to the camp. I can hear my heart beating in my ears, and am sure that it will burst from my chest. I open the door and run into the porch area, and am again relieved as I close the door.

Standing with my back against the door for a few minutes, I wait for my breathing to steady before going inside. I am safe again, but I still can't figure out why the adults won't bring us kids to the outhouse after dark. Are they scared too? Do they know what's out there? Maybe they do. But why don't they want to protect us from it?

When I go inside, I pass the table where they are playing cards unnoticed, and back into the bedroom where my sister, brother and cousins are waiting for me. They are happy to see that I am back, and smile at me as I get back into bed.