A True Story About a Modern Day Jesus: Dismembered, Naked Jesus in the Trunk

Today, while talking to an old friend, I remembered some experiences I had a few years back. Experiences with Jesus, you might say. Or you might say experiences with a mannequin with brown hair and a brown beard glued onto it's face, but I like to think of him as Jesus.

Jesus had mysterious origins. I was out of town when my mother found him, so I don't know where he came from or where she got the beard. But they tell me that he stood in the window like a blessing to all that passed by her little storefront church downtown. Okay, I made the blessing part up. Most people just thought it was really weird.

One day, my mother wanted to take Jesus to the people. She stood him up in a little, red wagon and pulled him up and down Main Street. I don't know how the people felt about Jesus coming to them, but I'm pretty sure Jesus was happy that he got to ride in the wagon. Walking is hard work when your legs don't bend.

Eventually, the funds weren't there anymore to keep the little church open. Everything had to be moved out of the storefront, including Jesus. I think my mom was unsure what to do with him. She ended up taking him apart and putting him in the trunk of her car. And there he stayed for some time.

I would always forget that Jesus was in the trunk of my mother's car. When I went with her to the grocery store and she would start the engine and hit button to unlock the trunk, I was repeatedly shocked to see the dismembered body of a naked, bearded man staring up at me. I never did get used to that, though that was where he laid his head for months.

Then one day, Mom decided she wanted to have a yard-sale. She brought her stuff over to my house because my street had more traffic. It was there that Jesus found his new home. A man came and bought Jesus to be his drinking buddy. I don't know what he paid, but I am sure she got ripped off: everybody knows that fair market value for Jesus is thirty pieces of silver.

I think that Jesus is probably happy being a drinking buddy. More happy than he was standing in a storefront window. He had a reputation for hanging out with the partying crowd in a former life, after all. Though if his new friend was expecting to have a never-ending supply of wine by just adding water, I'm afraid he was dissapointed. But you know what they say: you get what you pay for.