A New Twist on Old American Idioms About Cheating and More

Spousal infidelity has been fodder for many idioms over the last century, and unfortunately, isn't only a thing of the past. Almost weekly, we hear a juicy news story about some celebrity, sports hero or political figure who has fallen into that dirty, secret, cheating cesspool. It's scandalous news we women love to hate as we watch it unfold on CNN or HLN, or read about it in the grocery checkout line.

Maybe the time is ripe for us to use a little humor on the subject? Of course, most of us can only see the humor about cheating when it doesn't pertain to us directly, or after the wounds have sufficiently healed. So, if you just packed your cheating spouse's bags last night, you might want to bookmark this and read it in a month or so. But for the rest of us, possibly the time has come to dust off a few dying American idioms, re-purpose their words, and give new life to them in our everyday rhetoric.

Here's a go at redefining a few idioms from a woman's perspective.

It takes two to tangle - And a team of legal advisors to untangle everything.

Two heads are better than one - Not counting the one below the waist.

Here's my two cents worth - I'm keeping the other 98.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush - Because that bird in the hand has the house keys and the PIN to the bank accounts.

A Fly in the ointment - Just be glad he went to the doctor.

Many moons ago - Remember when you thought he was cute doing that?

They are like two sides of the same coin - She's the head, he's the tail.

He's a man's man - Those Italian loafers should have been the first clue.

He knows a thing or two - Be happy, it all fits on one text message.

He lies through his teeth - Because he had to have his jaw wired shut after that fist fight.

The lesser of two evils - Do you want to hang out with a cute, young drunk in the bars, or a snoring old guy on the sofa?

Love is blind - Blame it on Myopia!

Two can play at the same game - If you dump me for a younger woman, I can dump you for a younger man.

Two p's in a pod - I've packed my pod with the furniture, electronics and artwork. You can have the Pots and Pans.

Two time loser - I met you, I married you.

It's not the size of the man in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the man - I'm not touching that one.

Well, that was better than a sharp stick in the eye, wasn't it ladies? To start your own list, guys, the English Idioms & Idiomatic Expressions tool in UsingEnglish.com is a great resource.

I predict an idiom comeback!