A Valentine's Day Alternative

Valentine's Day is a commercialized, pseudo-celebration of romance. Even for historians, overwhelming controversy surrounds the day that falls on the 14th of February. There are alternative routes, alternative lifestyles, and even alternative music. So what's wrong with having an alternative Valentine's Day? It seems plausible that the most celebrated Hallmark holiday get an alternative upgrade.

According to the National Retailer Federation, more than $15 billion dollars was spent in 2007 on expendables alone: flowers, candy, dinner etc. But just because Americans buy into the day originally slated for some short dude (cupid) toting a bow and arrow, does not necessitate universal observation.

TheConsumerJournal.com offers the following suggestions for singles without significant others to turn to this February 14th:

Pamper Thyself
Why buy that box of Godiva, Ghirardelli or Perugina, for someone else when your palate is quite capable of savoring the finer chocolates of life. Who needs foreplay, when a deep tissue body massage is just as relaxing without the reciprocation? For the person who must have a date on February 14th, there's nothing wrong with recruiting a new love, enlisting a friend or outsourcing an amore.

Seize Opportunity
Now is the chance to make contact with a lover who jilted you. What better opportunity to call an ex who wiped their feet on your heart like the way one does after stepping in canine poop. Valentine's Day is the ultimate excuse to profess your love (just one more time).

Play the Opposite Approach
Instead of sending sweet nothings, seek out a complete stranger for a meaningless encounter. But, have fun at your own risk. Deterrents such as STDs, serial killers and other psychos necessitate a little prudence.

Substitute Love for Goodwill
Face it, love is often overrated. Maintaining relationships cost money. Save and substitute love for spreading goodwill humanity. Whoever said that being in love was the ultimate human experience? Whatever happened to committing random acts of kindness among mankind? Valentine's Day is a good time to volunteer for your local homeless organization or favorite charity for that matter.

Date Like a Porn Star
Whoever said Valentine's Day was a monogamous celebration of love never considered the sexual desires of a womanizer or a scorned woman making up for lost time.

Start a Cult
Post an online ad and name your cult something like the CAVD short for the Crusaders Against Valentine's Day. The initiation could entail something like burning roses, heart shaped objects and shredding any communication that resembles a VD card.

Pop a Pill
Want to forget about Valentine's Day? After a long day at the office, simply, pop an Ambien, melatonin or some other friendly sleeping aid and forget about it. After all--if you're the type of person who does not conform to social norms, then why should February 14th be any different?

Give into Hallmark
If you can beat 'em, join them. Whether it's an e-card, Hallmark or handmade creation, send a card to someone who loves you like your mother, a close friend or even someone that you admire secretly. Whatever you do on Valentines Day, don't wallow in self pity; instead, exult in the solitude that you are your own best Valentine.