A Visit to the Doctor's Office While Pregnant

Skills? Yup, I have those. It really is a skill to be 9 months pregnant and pee in a little tiny cup.

Ankles. What ankles? I lost those around the 7^th month.

Last time I went to the Doctors he made a comment about me wearing two different socks. "One is from yesterday" I told him. I had such a hard time getting the other one off, I figured I would catch up tomorrow.

They make you climb onto this little small table for your exam. Why is the table so small anyways? It creaks every time I get on and off. I swear there must be a weight limit for it.

Sure I can hop on the scale. No my back is not turned because I am scared of what I weigh. My clothes do not fit I already know I've gained tons of weight. I am backwards because my stomach hits the front of the scale when I try and stand the proper way.

The Dr asked me if I was experiencing any swelling. "Well, yes everywhere" I said. At least that is what I am telling myself that it is swelling and not fat.

Sleep while you can I was told. "What?" Your in the business of babies. I have one at home do you think I really sleep now? Furthermore could you sleep with a basketball tucked under your shirt pushing on your bladder? In all honesty I just smiled and shook my head.

During the exam I was told, "This will only feel like slight pressure, it will not hurt." Okay Mr. Male Doctor when is the last time you had your cervix checked?

The Dr came in and I had made a little fan out of the informational pamphlet the nurse had handed me. He looked at my artwork and commented, "Well I guess you are not considering the genetic testing..." I know it looked bad but I was having a hot flash.

I was 8 ½ months pregnant when my doctor asked me if I wanted to get my tubes tied. Now is this something he asks everyone or am I just a difficult patient?

Apparently the office where I go to does not allow VBACs. The other day I had a conversation with my doctor and he told me everything will be fine once I hold my baby. Perhaps it will be but I do not like the idea of being cut open like a lab rat, injected with drugs that numb my body, and confined to a bed with an iv and catheter for hours. However, he sees nothing wrong with it.

At my last appointment before my scheduled C-section my Dr told me we are at the end. I looked at him. "At the end of what, our time together?" I am only at the beginning; first you cut me open, then I need to recover and take care of this new baby, and watch out for him for um well the rest of my life.

Why do they hand you those gowns to put on at the the doctor's office, to make you feel stupid? How the heck do they go on? Front open? Back open? I always end up using two.

Do you ever get all excited at the doctor's office because your appointment is going so fast. You get there and you get your weight and blood pressure done. Then you go to the next holding area and you sit there. Every knock on the door you jump thinking it is your turn, but nope. Just when you think they forgot about you and your about to leave the Dr comes in all cheery. At this point you have read every magazine, every pamphlet, and the warning tag on the table your sitting on.

You know your pregnant when you start thinking crazy. The other day I went to the doctors and it was apparently a busy time. In the bathroom there were at least 3 "samples" lined on the toilet ahead of me. Instead of going through the whole production I was tempted to write my initials on one of the cups. Of course, I did not, but wow it would have been so much easier.