A Woman's View of Domestic Violence

Recently one of my son's friends had a sister who was murdered by her husband it could have been me. A lot of women don't realize that domestic abuse is a serious thing. Whether it is verbal or physical it is still abuse. I put up with sexual abuse since I was about 6. Physical and verbal abuse for over 15 years 5 from my boys dad and 10 from my ex husband. I know your asking why I didn't leave. Well to tell the truth it was because I was terrified I had no where to go with 4 kids my ex husband threatened to kill me and take the kids if I left.

I have had my head bashed in walls, windows, doors been hit by fist, guns, frozen hamburger meat, chairs and boards anything within reach. It didn't take much to set these men off. The first year I was with my ex husband he treated me like I was a queen then we got married and things changed. We had two daughters together one who died in 2002 from a brain tumor. The reason I left him is because he hit me across the face with a board and busted my nose open. When I tried to go to the doctors he threatened to put my nose up in my brain so I wouldn't feel anything. I finally went to the doctors after he went to bed. The next day I took out a domestic violence order. I was trying to make sure he wasn't going to hit me any more. Some states call them restraining orders others call them DVO orders and protection orders. He use to call me fat ugly and useless he said I was wasted skin pulled over bones. I never felt like I was worthy of anyone. If it hadn't been for my fiancé telling me that my ex would end up killing me I would still be there.

There are a lot of signs to look for in an abusive relationship. It can be from someone controlling where you go, what you can spend, who you can talk to, what you wear. There are lots more signs than just this. If you know someone who is dealing with this or you yourself is than try and seek help. It is not worth your kids seeing this or worth your life. If your partner male or female hits you or calls you names and then apologizes saying it won't happen again well guess what 99% of the time it will. Once a woman or man is an abuser he will always be one. Leaving an abuser can be dangerous. You're the only person who knows the safest time to leave them. You are the one who is in the relationship and will have to be the one who decides to leave no one can make you. Prepare an emergency bag that includes different items from extra clothes, important papers such as birth certificates, social security cards, money, extra keys and prescription medicines you will need. Know exactly where you're going a head of time and how you're going to get there even if you leave in the middle of the night.

Make sure your kids school knows what is going on make sure they have any custody arrangements that are made. Also make sure they know of any immanent dangers that there may be. Estimates range from 960,000 incidents of violence against a current or former spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend per year1 to three million women who are physically abused by their husband or boyfriend per year. Worldwide one in three women have been beaten, coerced into sex or other wise abused during their lifetime. I know that it isn't always easy for a person whether you're a child or an adult to tell someone of the abuse. When you're a child you think you did something wrong or your made to think something bad will happen if you tell it. Then when you grow up you think its love and you're ashamed of telling anyone you think that people will look down on you. I know I was.

When I went to the doctors I always lied about how I got hurt. When I was younger and told people of the abuse they made me feel like it was my fault and it would just happen again from someone else. When I got to be an adult I just figured it was how I was supposed to be treated. No one ever deserves to be treated this way. If you or someone is in this situation there are shelters and local numbers you can call. I know that it may be scary to leave and at first you may think you can't make it on your own but trust me you can. It will be hard to think you can be with someone who won't abuse you but there are people out there you can be with that wont. Trying to deal with abuse on your own will end up hurting you in the long run.

Try and find someone that you can talk to. I had a hard time doing that after having my first nervous breakdown at 10 and then one after my daughter died. I finally am seeking some help. I have post traumatic stress disorder, generalized anxiety disorder. Nightmares and flashbacks that I have is ways of my mind trying to heal itself or at least that is what my therapist says. When my boys were little I tried to kill myself because of their dads' abuse. I finally realize now that they are 17 and 16 that they would have been lost without me and would have had to live with an alcoholic if I died. I had times I felt like killing their dads but know that it wouldn't have been the right thing to do.I am one of the lucky ones though I have found a man who loves me and my children dearly and treats me like a queen. Ladies and gentlemen if you're in an abusive relationship please think about getting out.