A Women's Guide to What Men Need: Sex, Respect, and Relationships

It is a wonder to me sometimes that people can be so superficial. As a man, I can attest there was a phase where attraction was more based on dimensions than on personality, but experience has taught me the bitter truth. Physical beauty is highly overrated, and while nice to observe, like any mountain vista or Monet painting, quickly becomes soured if personal chemistry and a sense of happiness is not included in the relationship. Yet, overall I would say most men still look no farther than skin deep, and unfortunately many women encourage this outlook by spending much more time on their outward appearance than on their inner qualities. Heartbreak soon follows, though it shouldn't be a surprise, when women find that their "man" loves them not for what they are but for how they look. Below is a list of things that I feel women should develop in order to attract a mature (in a emotional and spiritual sense) mate.

1. Love
I have been in many relationships where the word love was considered undefinable, some mysterious quality that has become a null word amongst a large portion of the human populace. I will give a definition of love here, paraphrased from one of my favorite authors, that has served me well and should start as the building block on which all future relationships should be based on. "Love is when a person's happiness and wellbeing is of equal importance to you, as your own happiness and wellbeing" (Robert Heinlien, The Cat who Walks Through Walls). Using this definition you can proceed forward toward finding a mate

2. Men need Appreciation
Genetically men are predisposioned to be protectors. Back to the days of tribalism it was well understood that men were more expendable than women to the survival to the tribe, and in many cases dangerous duties of the tribe were often performed by men. To this day men, true men, seek to be protectors. This is no statement on a woman's ability to survive or protect, indeed a woman faced with danger to her child for example can be many times as ferocious as any man, but is instead a statement of the genetic "wiring" of men. Understanding what a man is, is very important to understanding what a man needs. Knowing this, the woman who let's her mate know that he is appreciated has fulfilled a natural confirmation of his unconcious need to be appreciated, and the bond between the two is strengthened.

3. Men need Reassurance
Men understand unconciously that thier position with their woman is dependent on performance. This is not necessarily a truth just a throw back to our tribal days, where a man could be replaced by another simply. This genetic insecurity is often a cause of doubt and pain within men when they feel that their performance has not been "good enough" to warrant their place. The woman who reassure's her mate will find that the bond between them will grow much stronger as a result of the need of her man to be reassured.

4. Men need Recognition
Accepting men as they are is crucial to any relationship, and especially for women who expect to be accepted as they are. It is a common paradox that many women attempt to "fix" or "change" their mate, while not being willing to change themselves. Accepting your man with all his foibles is crucial to a long lasting relationship, understanding a man's needs and desires, sexual and emotional, are beyond important to maintaining a strong relationship. Be up front and honest about what you are and what you need, and encourage the same in your mate, accepting what they are and what their needs are.

Following these basic steps will help form a long lasting and joyous relationship, based on mutual respect and understanding of the differances between you. I encourage all who are tired of the shallow, and in the end meaningless, search for conventional companionship to follow the above steps and see how they improve your overall relationship.