A Writer's Number 1 Pet Peeve

Yesterday, I received an email about one of my articles. The email made a number of solid points that were relevant to the article in question, and I was in complete agreement. That was, until I came to the last line.

It said: "Your 'article' is a farce because" ... which was followed by a recap of the main thrust of the article.

I was shocked! I cursed my poor computer screen six ways from Sunday. It's still a little red around the cheekbones even now.

It was, in part, my own fault, though; I'd foolishly assumed that when the email's author said "I saw your article," (s)he had meant 'I READ your article.'

It never ceases to amaze me how ignorant - nay, utterly stupid - supposedly intelligent people are able to be when they really put their minds to it.

My article conveyed EXACTLY the same message as the writer of the email, but said writer hadn't even bothered to see what I'd written before deciding that it was an absurd work of what one might hope was a desperate attempt at satire.

There is a proverb: know what you're talking about before you open your mouth, unless you enjoy the taste of your own toenails.

This isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened. I've written a number of controversial articles, and, when people write me with hate mail, or to beat me over the head with their own point of view (even if it is borrowed from Rush Limbaugh), that's fine. I can appreciate an honest (if impassioned) discussion.

But, when somebody writes me a letter to tell me how foolish I'm being based on the TITLE of my article alone, and then proceeds to 'educate' me using - unbeknownst to that person - my own ideas... well, as they say, don't judge a book by its cover.

There is no accounting for this kind of thing. I've gotten letters like this from intelligent folk, and from gross imbeciles. I've gotten it from both liberals and conservatives. I've gotten it from rich and poor, young and old, men and women.

And it can happen on any topic, too. A person once wrote to me, and went on at length, saying that it is an absurd idea that bacteria cause chocolate cravings in humans - which, of course, was exactly the point of the article that person was writing about. If only (s)he had READ it, neither of us would have wasted a great deal of time and energy.

Needless to say, it is more than disappointing; it is downright frightening. I half expect to see one of these people standing in a McDonald's somewhere, telling the servers that they really should consider adding hamburgers and fries to their menu.

So, to all of you out there who are inclined towards going off half-cocked, the next time you feel like writing to somebody, go back in the kitchen and finish your OTHER foot instead. Or, you could just do the wise thing (heaven forbid!) and see what somebody has to say before attacking him for it.