ABC Fall Television Preview

I probably watch ABC less than any current television station. I just don't have a lot of time to watch television and Pushing Daisies is the only show I will probably watch. On Sunday, I am usually working so I will not be watching television and if I was, I'd probably be catching a cable movie.

As far as Monday goes, a 90 minute reality show doesn't draw me at all, and Samantha Who isn't enough to take up my time when shows like Heroes and K-Ville are on. Nothing appeals to me Tuesday nights on ABC besides Boston Legal but I won't watch it until Wednesday morning anyways. As far as the rest of the week goes, I will watch Pushing Daisies, but the CW network has me on Thursdays, and I'd rather die in a fire than be stuck watching any of the current Friday programming on any channel.

Monday

8pm: Dancing with the stars: There isn't much I can say about this. D-List celebrities come on this show to dance and win awards. So you think you can dance is a much more entertaining show because it gives new people a chance to shine. If they want to include stars here, the best thing would be to combine this show and The Biggest Loser to watch a lot of fat stars try to dance.

8pm Winter: Wife Swap: This is a pathetic ploy for ratings. Why would anybody watch this?

930pm: Samantha Who: During the winter, this moves to 9pm to allow for Notes from the Underbelly, an insanely stupid show about a couple expecting a child. Anyways, Samantha Who stars Christina Applegate as an amnesiac trying to remember herself, and has an amazing supporting cast. First, Jennifer Esposito (Crash) is in it as well as Jean Smart (Some know her from Designing Women, but I unfortunately know her as the crazy ex-wife from 24.) My hopes of her showing up on 24 this season were dashed in the writing of this article, DAMN YOU CBS!!!!!

10pm: In the fall, the Bachelor's is on and in the Winter, it's October Road. The Bachelor is a reality show I do not care about, and October Road seems to be a direct copy of a Ryan Reynolds movie where he loses weight and moves home. I might catch it if I'm not catching Journeymen on NBC before its cancelled for low ratings.

Tuesday

8pm: Cavemen: The Geico cavemen got their own television show, but the stars aren't the guys from the commercials. This show is going to fail, horribly, I hope. If it is still on in November, I will be surprised.

830pm: Carpoolers: This looks equally shitty. Am I really supposed to care about 4 guys driving to work? The former director of Arrested Development helming this project makes me think so, but it will take a miracle to save this pile of shit from Sitcom failure.

9pm FALL: Dancing with the stars results show: Read my 8pm Monday night preview, and then Assume I feel the same way.
9PM WINTER: Cashmere Mafia: Basically, this is Sex and the City for Network television, starring Lucy Liu. I don't particular care though, because Sex and the City wasn't all that bad, and it's going to have the sex toned down, so I'm expecting to see 4 women bitching about men for an hour every Tuesday at 9.

10pm: Boston Legal: William Shatner and Candice Bergen star as older, sexually frustrated lawyers with extreme emotional problems. Both of them overact, and are going to be joined by John Larroquette and various other incredibly guest stars coming up in a few weeks. Oh, and James Spader is in this.

Wednesday

8pm: Pushing Daisies: Created by Bryan Fuller, who's resume consists of Star Trek, Wonderfalls, Dead Like Me, and Heroes, I have a lot of hope that this show will succeed. Unfortunately, it looks a lot like it will be too dark for many viewers and I will be pissed when it is cancelled mid-season. IT HAS CHI MCBRIDE. THIS MAN HAS AMAZING CHARISMA. WATCH THIS SHOW.

9pm: Private Practice: Spin Off of Greys Anatomy. Unfortunately, this looks like it has failure written all over it as the cast is not the most stellar.

10pm: Dirty Sexy Money: In the most predictable show of the season, a nice guy lawyers dad is murdered and his fathers clients want to bring on said nice guy to be their lpersonal lawyer. Just reading the synopsis made it seem like this guy is about to be turned into a slave of the people who killed his parents.

Thursday

8pm: Ugly Betty: An unattractive nerd works at a fashion magazine. Everybody except for me seems to enjoy this light-hearted wanna-be drama.

9pm: Greys Anatomy: Once E.R. Finally gets cancelled, this will probably replace it as the premiere doctor show. It has one of the largest casts on television currently, and was rumored to be picking up Denzel Washington. Unfortunately for them, good old Denzel was booked (probably making a movie where he plays an angry disillusioned cop.)

10pm: Big Shots: Basically, four guys are leaders in industry, but they can't seem to work on home relationships. The four guys are played by Michael Vartan (Alias), Dylan Mcdermott (Low budget movies galore), Christopher Titus, and Josh Malina (West Wing, Stargate Sg-1, Numb3rs) with wives Nia Long (Every stereotypical black movie), Peyton List (Soap opera star) and two unknowns. This could be interesting depending on how it is marketed.

Friday

8pm: 20/20: It is a wanna-be news shows about human interest stories. Give me Dateline NBC or give me death.

9pm: Womens Murder Club: Four female friends, all in different jobs, solve crimes. Aside from Pushing Daisies, this is the most promising new series on ABC in my eyes, as it has a decent cast and seems to work as far as plotlines go.

10pm: Men in Trees: My father loves this show, and it seems to be a cross between Northern Exposure and Fargo. Give it a shot since Anne Heche is a decent actress.

Saturday

8pm: Saturday is ABC's football night, so nothing too out of the ordinary here, aside from an occasional off week with an evening movie or holiday break.

Sunday

7pm: Honestly, Sundays bore me. America's funniest Home Video's is on at this time, where it competes against 60 Minutes and the NFL pre-game show. All of these shows aren't competing for the same audience, so it doesn't really matter. Anyways, Americas Funniest Home Video's has been on for 18 years now, seen 4 different hosts, various new segments and is overall boring and repetitive. How many times can I watch a cat impale itself on something before it stops being funny? Admittedly, I haven't given the show a fair shot since Daisy Fuentes was too over the top and stupid for my support, but I can't imagine that its anything more than babies doing stupid things and animals hurting themselves for no reason.

8pm: Extreme Makeover: Home Edition: Seriously, isn't there an entire cable station just devoted to these ridiculous shows like Flip This House, Home Builders, Poor People who like to send depressing requests into rich people hoping to get a television show deal but are too intelligent to go on Jerry Springer, Queer House for the Straight Guy, and a bunch of other stupid shit people have just decided to pass off as quality programming. Oh right, housewives watch television too. I'd rather spend this hour in the emergency room of a hospital having the sledgehammer removed from my forehead from the boredom I endured during the 7 o clock hour than ever watch this show.

9pm: Desperate Housewives: The few episodes I have seen of this show are pretty amazing. The on screen chemistry of the characters combined with the comedy/drama mixture and a "The Burbs" like feel make this show extremely entertaining to watch. It is really one of those shows where you never know what is going to happen next and it will almost always be a "Holy shit" type moment where you sit through the first commercial in the next break with your mouth gaping open wondering how they just did that. When I saw that Nathan Fillion was going to be a cast member on this show this season, I let out a little school girl scream.

For those of you who do not remember Mr. Fillion, go watch the last season of Buffy The Vampire slayer for an evil preacher, or the short lived series Firefly. He is an amazing actor.

10pm: Brothers and Sisters: All I know about this show is that it stars a lot of big name actors, consists of a majority of the casts/production crew of Alias and Everwood and appears to be a nighttime soap opera showed at the worst time possible.