ABC's "Lost" in Plagiarising "Gilligan's Island" Shocker!

Emboldened by "Baretta" producer Anthony Spinner's claim that he wrote ABC's hit sci-fi drama in 1977, 1991 and then again 1994, curators of the Bob Denver estate have unearthed a 90 page manifesto written by the late acting titan slamming "Lost" and calling it a "blatant rip off of 'Gilligan's Island', a timeless television series."

Denver, best known for his portrayal of the lovable Gilligan, goes on to draw startling comparisons. He writes: " 'Doctor' Jack Shepard, or should I say The Professor are patently the same characters. Both use their skills to make life more palatable for the denizens of the Island. Also I have it on good authority that both Matthew Fox and Russell Johnson [the Professor] like to go in the pool with their shoes on and enjoy a nice sausage and onion calzone after. God I'd kill for one right now." Denver would spend the next four pages remembering recipes for his favorite boyhood meals.

Working himself into a furor, the gentle Bob Denver's tone would change dramatically. From page five: "Mary Ann is the original manipulative 'girl next door' who Lost ripped off tit to toe! Kate Austen anyone? How about Shannon? That blond *expletive* who *expletive* her *expletive* step brother? Yeah, look me in the eye and tell me that's not Ginger! We had a gun wielding monkey and they had a polar bear! Don't even get me started on the Skipper and John Locke!"

No aspect of ABC's "Lost" would be safe from Gilligan's rage. From page 17: "And what about that *expletive* with the French science team? Their boat was drawn to the Island mysteriously and then they couldn't get help after they shipwrecked? HELLO! That's the whole *expletive* plot of 'Gilligan's Island'! Is nothing sacred?!"

Much of the 90 pages are rambling and nonsensical but the few bits not about Denver's secret love of Auto Erotic asphixiation paint a grotesque picture of a godless entertainment industry hell bent on squashing the cries for fair play made by any "little buddy" out there. The television industry is interested in cash no matter what the cost.

The attorney handling the mighty Denver estate could not be reached for comment at press time but we know they are teaming up with Anthony Spinner's legal team to extract every ill gotten penny ABC has gained from "Lost".

Jacob Luvsu, head of ABC's cadre of filthy lawyers had this to say: "Mr. Denver and Mr. Spinner can both pretend that their shows "invented" people crashing on a deserted island, getting into life threatening situations, experiencing strange indigenous people and bizarre wild life but the fact is they did not. ABC's "Lost" is the product of an array of archetypes established in countless work throughout the history of written record. Where "Lost" is brilliant is its abstraction from those general ideas. The Skipper never had to move 'Gilligan's Island' nor did Mr. Spinner ever write such a scene into his original pilot. Any resemblance to the two aforementioned properties is purely coincidental."

My professional incredulity knows no bounds. All I can say is go get 'em Gilligan, we're all pulling for you.