Absolute Top Ten Rules for Internet Dating

Rule 10: If you are very sensitive to rejection...stop here! Or sample internet dating in very small doses, separated by lots of time with loving friends and pleasurable activities that don't depend on being selected. Just think back to those elementary school days when sides were being chosen for kickball. If you suffered with rejection then, you'll suffer now.

Rule 9: Remember that internet dating is basically a candy store for men, especially those over forty. With the availability of so many first dates with attractive, quality women, most move on rapidly (sometimes the very same evening!) if they are not fully satisfied or find a slight flaw in your character or body.

Rule 8: If you've had difficulty with shyness, being tongue-tied, or being plain scared with in-person dating, expect the same anxieties to crop up with internet dating. The anonymity of the internet helps a bit but eventually you will want to meet in person.

Rule 7: Understand that all of the following phrases mean the same thing...that he's just not that into you: "Let's keep in touch." "I'll call you soon." "I'll call you tomorrow." "See you soon." "I had a marvelous time." "You're such a nice (interesting, accomplished, etc.) woman." Most men find it impossible to tell a woman that they are not interested in her...they simply disappear or use the stock phrases above.

Rule 6: The only way you can tell if they are truly interested is that they track you down immediately, show up, and keep showing up.

Rule 5: Keep caution in mind if you do get a nibble. Keep your personal information private, schedule initial "meets" in public places (with others present), and if it goes further, pretty please practice safe sex. Know the facts about the prevalence of sexually transmitted diseases and how they are transmitted. Have yourself checked and insist on the same for a prospective partner. Finding a "nice" man guarantees nothing. Be honest upfront about your own conditions to avoid angry confrontations down the line.

Rule 4: Sign up for internet dating services that have a large enough membership to guarantee that at least some suitable men your age live within a few miles of your home. Distance does not make the heart grown fonder. It is difficult enough to mesh lifestyles to a man next door much less one three states away.

Rule 3: Match services that select matches for you generally do not have many suitable matches for women over 50 or 60...and they are more costly. Some of the highest priced services cater exclusively to high end males of all ages looking for trophy wives. If you feel you are one, do apply!

Rule 2: Devote only 10 percent of your available social and personal energy and time to this endeavor. Devote another 10 percent to in-person singles activities or programs in your area. Devote the remaining 80 percent of your time and energy to social activities and interesting projects that have nothing to do with dating or finding a partner.

Rule 1: Read He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt. This book is painfully honest about men's feelings about dating women but will save you major heartbreak in the long run.

All sound pretty negative?? Well...it's a crap shoot, ladies. On the bright side, two of my very best friends found their wonderful life partners this way...so it can happen. Internet dating is probably worth a try since it is so difficult to meet men any other way when you are over forty, especially if you don't run across many potential partners in your every day life. But adopt a realistic perspective...and keep that chin up.

You are welcome to browse through more advice on mental health and relationship issues for midlife women on my Doctor Flamingo Online website.