'Abstinence' Makes the Heart Grow Fonder?
'Victorian' Sleeping Arrangements.
I guess the Victorians used that excuse as well!
According to the article, a February survey by the National Association of Home Builders, predicts that by 2015 more than 60 percent of custom houses will have 'dual master bedrooms'. It goes on to say that this new (or resurrected) phenomenon of separate sleeping quarters applies to all income brackets and not just the wealthy. The middle-class just has to make do with the spare room or the couch, rather than having 'his' and 'hers' master bedrooms! From snoring, restlessness to kids crying in the night - the excuses abound.
Now, interestingly enough, this article was written on my fifteenth wedding anniversary and despite the fact that my husband snores incessantly that would not encourage me to have my own permanent bedroom. It may require a night or two on the couch, but I usually end up back in bed before the sun rises - we got married because we enjoy each other's company and the bedroom is our sanctuary. I also watch many horror movies and they seem to pop into my head when I'm alone in the dark!
A suggestion to those who complain about their partners' annoying nocturnal activities would be to invest in a larger bed or wear earplugs! Or maybe this is a clear sign that they want their own space for reasons other than snoring and may as well just live entirely alone.
Stephanie Coontz, director of public education for the Council of Contemporary Families in Chicago, told the New York Times that many of the couples she has interviewed were "confident that they have a nice marriage, but they don't particularly like sleeping in the same room" and is adamant that "it says anything about their sex lives". Well maybe it speaks volumes about the lack thereof! When and where, do they engage in their marital 'duties' if they don't 'sleep' together? And what's the fun if you don't wake up together after a night of passion? How can you be spontaneous in the morning and repeat the night's amorous activities? Whose bedroom and bed is chosen? Do they take turns? Over dinner do they discuss the night's romantic liaison - your place or mine tonight darling? And it must sort of strip 'the moment' of romance if the 'venue' hasn't been previously discussed and a decision has to be made in the throes of passion! Or maybe these couples are so adventurous and daring, that they never engage in passionate affairs in the bedroom! I somehow seem to doubt that however. These no-nonsense-type personalities who desire a good night's sleep probably retire early to bed, with a hot cup of cocoa and a book. Maybe a steamy romance by Jackie Collins!
But I digress, the point is, according to this very entertaining story, that time's 'are a changing' and so are marital patterns. It's not just the elderly who choose to go their separate ways at night these days. Even couples in their thirties are joining in and ordering two master suites. It reflects the "speed-up" of family life according to one sociologist quoted in the article, as well as the changing of women's roles, and the need for extra space "eases the strain on the relationship."
But what do kids do when looking for sanctuary after a nightmare? Whose bedroom do they enter and who do they choose to cuddle up with? Mom or Dad? Is this just training them in case there's a divorce?
Predictably enough the article states that the 'separate sleeping' habits of couples remains a stigma, and designers and architects, say that they have to treat the issue delicately when dealing with customers with such 'special needs'. But I'm sure there has been many a snigger among the less careful! 'Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more, say no more!!'
For women, as the story goes, it may be a romantic thing. A certain Professor Smock said that it's like "going back to their romance, going back to dating, to intimacy." I suppose having separate sleeping quarters could be reminiscent of living in a co-ed dorm at college and sneaking into your boyfriend's room for the night! That could indeed spice up the romance, especially if your spouse plays along with it!
At the end of the day though, the sleeping arrangements of couples (married or otherwise) are hardly an issue that can affect society, but if it can help to keep a relationship going and deter arguments, lost sleep and resentment then I guess it's better than more drastic actions!
But it's hardly a good promotion for marital bliss! And if you can't stand your significant others' snoring habits there's always Lunesta!
Published by Alison Hill
I am an Emmy nominated Producer, host and journalist with a media career spanning over ten years and two continents. As a freelance writer/producer, I create documentaries, news items and write articles. I... View profile
All About Heart Disease in DogsHeart disease is a silent killer to people and animals. Read more in this informative article.- What Women Need to Know About Heart DiseaseAmerican women are 4 to 6 times more likely to die from heart disease than of breast cancer. Females develop heart disease later in life, but it's deadlier for them. Stop smoking reduces your risk by one third in 2 ye...
- A Test to Detect Heart DiseaseUntil recently physicians have been unable to definitively diagnose Congestive Heart Failure before the most common visible symptoms occur. At that point it is often too late for the patient to benefit from the most e...
Pet Diseases- Heart Disease in CatsHeart disease in catas is hard to detce and hard to treat.- New England Journal of Medicine Study on Heart Attack PatientsOn June 23, 2005, The New England Journal of Medicine published findings of a recent study regarding sudden death after a heart attack.
- Abstinence in the Abbey, My Sex and the City Spinoff
- Can Too Much Sex Ruin Your Sense of Commitment?
- Canine Heart Disease: An Overview for Dog Owners
- Home Decorating with Unique Silk Flower Arrangements
- HeartSavers Catches People Before They Develop Coronary Heart Disease
- Congestive Heart Failure: Risks, Symptoms and Treatment
- Heart or Mind
- www.nytimes.com - Tracie Rozhon
3 Comments
Post a CommentSeveral people I knew in Germany did this--had seperate bedrooms. I found it odd at first and then it made a bit of sense. I personally would not want a seperate bedroom. An office of my own in the home would be fine enough. I do tend to have insomnia but when I have been in relationships in the past I just go sleep on the couch if I am having a rstless night. Great article
Separate bedrooms might be an aid to people whose spouse snores or engages in any other annoying habit, but the primary reason for separate bedrooms is that American wives simply don't want sex anymore with their husbands, and eventually, the husband gets used to it and goes along. Many husbands enjoy abstinence as much as their wives. My wife and I are sexually attracted to each other, but we both chose abstinence immediately after marriage for a number of reasons, the most important being that to quote the pun, abstinence DOES make the heart grow fonder. That's simply because you have a stronger desire for something that you can't have than something you have done over and over and over, until it gets to a point of being downright annoying and embarrassing to pretend that the bloom is off the rose. There are a lot of smart women who just don't want to go down the same road that all of their married friends have gone down - boredom, disappointment, irritation, being taking for gra
Alison Hill has done it again. For a moment or two, I thought I was reading an article out of "The New York Times". Well-knowing that Alison was writing about an article that was published in "The New York Times", I still stand by what I said. As a writer myself, I really enjoyed the article. It was contemporary, educational, informative, and well-written. Thank you, Alison. Keep up the good work. Throw away the Lunesta. Take one leap for joy in your blessed talent as a journalist and call me in the morning.