Abused Women: Understanding Why They Find it Hard to Leave

Ask yourself this question? If we told you you had to leave your home in 15 minutes, would you be able to do it? Would you have a place to go? Would you have any money with you? What if you had small children, could you get them ready to go with you? Do you have a car? Perhaps the scariest question would be, would you be able to survive?

If you have never experienced abuse on any level in your life, you may be frustrated trying to understand why women stay in an abusive home. It's not that they don't realize they need to get out. It's the very act of finally "deciding" when and how to get out. How to escape safely. It is all about finding the courage to take that first step.

Some women are so in love with the man he "used" to be and secretly hope he will become that person again, if they just wait long enough. Some women believe they have caused the abusive behavior and continue to do everything they can think of to rectify it. Some women, so fearful of the unknown will stay because at least they are familiar with that life. Fear of the unknown can be paralyzing. They will continue to put up with the negative behavior versus leaving and not knowing where or what they will be doing. ABUSE IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE! For all intents and purposes, this situation will only get worse.

These victims must formulate a plan. They will need to decide what, where, when, how, etc...of their plan to leave. Once they get safely out of the home, where will they go? Do they have family to take them in? Friends? Even this decision becomes a difficult one. The victim does not want any harm to come to those that help them. Abusers could be so angry that they will retaliate against those helpful friends or family. The last thing they want to do is put people at risk.

Victims of abuse often stay because they are embarrassed by their situation. They often stay because despite the dysfunction, this is the life they know.

Finances are another huge roadblock to navigate. If they don't have a job, they will have a more difficult time trying to save any money to escape. If their spouse gives them a set amount for household expenses, and demands to see a receipt , it is also highly unlikely they will be able to save any money. Family or friends may be able to loan enough to allow for escape. It would be too embarrassing for some victims to ask for help financially. If they do have available cash, they would need to open their own account and they should request no bank statements, so as not to be found out. Also they should have a debit card to access their money anytime of the day or night.

Another sobering fact is they may find they receive no help from family or friends. Sometimes people do not want to get involved for fear of their own safety. Have the address of the nearest crisis center and familiarize yourself with it's location. Have a bag packed with essentials. If there are children, do not say anything to them till the time comes to leave.

Keep the packed bag at a neighbors, or at a safe work location. Don't use credit cards. Tell no one but a trusted friend where you are.

Every decision that is made must be thought out carefully and as if your life depended on it. It does!