Acceptance and the State of the Soul

Religions preach about it, psychologists study it, poets write about it; but it is a concept which can be stated and understood best in the plain words of an elderly lady admonishing her little niece to stop pestering her cat: "Oh, just let her be!"

"Let her Be!"-- leave her alone; she is fine without your interference! The woman's old-fashioned speech defined the true meaning of Acceptance.

A popular group often speaks a poem-prayer that begins "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change-;" but this is a mistake in terms, for when one needs help in 'accepting,' it is more in the realm of tolerance instead of acceptance, for either true acceptance exists or it does not. The second part of the line clarifies that fact-- that this is something which one would like to change but cannot. This designates resignation, not acceptance.

For all the talk about acceptance, few hit on its definition. One may be familiar with the saying that what a parent most appreciates and cherishes in her child are the characteristics and qualities which the child possesses but the parent does not. In a non-accepting person, or one lacking in maturity, these qualities present in the child lead to resentment; but for one who is accepting and mature, it is a cause for gladness.

In other interpersonal relationships, the same principles apply. It is said that people seek friends and mates who possess the qualities which we ourselves lack. Again, the capacity for unconditional acceptance to exist is based on one's maturity-- it is based upon whether a person is at peace with and content within his or her own soul.

The deciding factor in whether or not a person possesses such maturity can be concluded by one's reactions and responses to other people-- whether differences signal friction, tension, and the wish to 'change' aspects of the other person, or whether it is accepted as "that is who he or she is."

"Perfect Love casts out all fear"-- many times quoted, many times misunderstood. It is a reference to seeing Others as God sees all of His people-- with one-hundred-percent unconditional acceptance. When this form of acceptance is present, it not only casts out fear but also casts out one's desire to change others; only when this unconditional acceptance and unconditional love is mutually existing can one feel the Divine Presence in such a connection. One can use the term "spiritual experience," but this has become too over-used as pop-jargon, losing its true meaning.

What does it mean to be at peace with and content within one's own soul? Judaic teachings explain it in the clearest manner-- not only the existence of but the harmony and expression of the components of the soul, known as the ten supreme Sefirot:

Keter- crown-- the Divine Will and source;

Hokhmah- wisdom-the intuitive;

Binah- understanding-logic;

Hesed- grace-; and Gedulah- greatness-; are that of love and its magnitude;

Gevunah- power-restraint, self-control;

Tiferet- beauty-balance of harmony, truth, compassion;

Netzah- eternity-overcoming, to do what needs to be done;

Hod- splendor-persistence;

Yesod- foundation-- connection and relating to others;

Malkut- kingdom.

When one is at peace with and content within his own soul, his being is not distorted by internal need nor external influences, and he is able to convey this same acceptance to others. The soul's state of purity, in the absence of distortion, affects one's relating to oneself and to others, in its fullest expression "Yet in my flesh shall I see God!" (Job 19:26)

The ultimate level of acceptance is to accept others and oneself in its state of existence. Similarly, we can enjoy a flower in its state of existence-- or we can tear it apart to see how it is put together and how its system works, try to plant it where we think it should be, paint it a different color, call it something other than a flower, deprive it of sunlight; but all that will be accomplished is destroying the flower.

Such it is with ourselves, other people, relationships, life-- it is far better to accept what exists in its own state of existence; for in that, we attain the purest level of the soul.