Accepting God's Will Through Reflection on His Agony and His Crucifixion

For as long as I can remember, the Agony in the Garden has been my favorite scripture passage (Matt 26:36-46). Even as a child, I could relate to the suffering Christ. While my parents were not churchgoers, I had made my First Holy Communion before our family stopped going to church, so I knew Jesus. Later, as a teenager, I would search for God after my brother committed suicide. By the time I was through college and a second brother died of a drug overdose, I had already been confirmed in the Catholic Church and found that the meaning of life lies in the Cross.

For me, Jesus' Agony in the Garden of Gethsemane shows His humanity more than any other scripture passage in the Bible. When I struggle to accept God's will in my life, this passage always brings me hope as I ponder His agony. This passage took on a new meaning when I became a mother and later found out that two of my children had a genetic bone marrow failure syndrome called Shwachman-Diamond Syndrome (SDS). This time in my life was also the first time that I could really identify with Christ crucified. When my middle son was diagnosed with SDS at the age of two, I struggled to accept the diagnosis. We had been searching for answers for over a year-and-a-half, yet finally getting the diagnosis was not something easy to accept. I could not understand how God's will could be found in having a child with a potentially fatal illness. I looked to my favorite passage and God gave me the grace I needed to accept His Divine Will.

Jesus was alone in the garden of Gethsemane, His friends fell asleep and then later abandoned Him. Jesus also felt the weight of our sins upon Him as He suffered that night. Jesus prayed three times in the garden. The first time Jesus prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet, not as I will, but as you will." (Matt 26:39) The second and third time He prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible that this cup pass without my drinking it, your will be done!" (Matt 26:42) These passages from the Agony in the Garden give me great hope. God allows us to see Jesus' humanity there in the garden of Gethsemane. I often feel weak due to my inability to accept the will of the Father. Jesus, God Himself, prayed three times before he completely accepts His Father's will. If Jesus had to pray three times that night in the garden, how many more times must I pray to accept God's will?

While he hung from the cross, Jesus cries out to His Father, "Father, Father, why have you forsaken me?" I never identified with Christ crucified until my second son was also diagnosed with Shwachman-Diamond Syndrome. I had reflected upon the crucifixion many times, but never truly understood Christ on the cross. The moment my youngest son was diagnosed, I could relate to Christ crying out, "Father, Father, why have you forsaken me?" Jesus knew His Father was always with Him. Jesus knew that His Father would never leave Him, yet He still cried out from the cross. I knew that God would never abandon me, yet I felt abandoned as I cried out to God the day my second son was diagnosed.

I had already accepted the diagnosis for my middle son and accepted God's will in my life. I offered my middle son to God and now He was asking me to give Him two of my children? I went back to the Garden with Christ and reflected upon His Agony. I began praying that I could accept His will and freely give Him both boys, if that is what He wanted. God surprised me by pouring forth His grace and allowing me to see the many blessings that come from having two children with a chronic illness. God had drawn us all closer to Him through the trials we had faced and He continues to bring us closer to Him as we travel along SDS Highway 101. As a parent, I no longer take one moment of their lives for granted. God allowed me to see how precious their lives are and reminded me that He loves them more than I could ever love them. He sent His son to die on a cross for them-for us!

Lastly, God reminded me that with every Good Friday, there is an Easter Sunday. We all suffer and we all die. No one on this earth is exempt from suffering or death, but as Christians, we have the promise of Eternal Life with Christ. Jesus knows our sufferings. He came to earth as a man and felt every emotion we would ever feel. When we reflect upon His suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane and His death on the Cross, we see His humanity. God allows us to see His humanity! God wants us to know that He understands our suffering because He has experienced it. He also wants us to know that we will all experience the resurrection of the body when our earthly suffering is done.

Alleluia, He is Risen!