Actions that Feed and Strengthen Love in a Marriage

Relationships are nurtured or starved by the actions and words of husbands and wives towards each other. Men and women often neglect their marriage by starving each other of love and affirmation. For a marriage to be strong, they need to feed their relationship with words and actions that show love and support to each other. In her book, What Women Want Men to Know (Thorsons, 2001), Barbara De Angelis describes how husbands and wives can strengthen a marriage and make each other feel loved and appreciated.

What Feeds Love in a Marriage

Men and women give and receive love differently but basic principles apply to both sexes. If a couple is willing to put effort into their relationship and communicate and truly listen, they will begin to understand each other's needs and desires more fully. Marriage is a living relationship that needs attention in order to thrive and develop. Here is a checklist of behaviors that feed love and build security and warmth:

• Paying attention to each other
• Verbal affirmations
• Working as a team
• Asking each other for input
• Allowing time out with friends
• Showing respect to each other

What Starves Love in a Marriage

In order to build strength into a relationship, it is necessary to recognize and deal with behaviors that stifle and starve love. Many of these things are little problems that creep in virtually unnoticed. If left unchecked, they grow and become bad habits that are hard to break. Many couples end up divorcing over matters that started out as trivial but grew into major issues.

If husbands and wives make an effort to recognize unhelpful behavior while working on positive affirmations of love, their marriage can only improve. Here are possible problem areas to be aware of:

• Self absorption
• Lack of acknowledgement
• Behaving like a loner or a single person
• Lack of attention
• Ignoring each other's needs

How Does a Successful Marriage Look

Marriage is a balancing act with partners considering the needs of their spouse as well as themselves. There needs to be the right amount of give and take, freedom, expressions of love and intimacy, and security for them to flourish as a couple and as individuals. While males and females have different needs and expectations, their basic need is for love and acceptance. A couple that is communicating and showing love and appreciation on a regular basis will have a firm foundation for their relationship.

Marriage is a living, growing relationship and needs to be fed in order for it to survive. As spouses work on weeding out behaviors that starve love and concentrate on those that bring security, contentment and trust, their marriage will be strong and well nourished.